the current obstacle

Je pensè il ya des la bellefleur

2011-09-16T15:30:00.000-04:00

Sad news today as local Trois-Rivierès cultural icon Jean-Pierre Bellefleur has been reported as missing in today's edition of local newspaper Le Nouvelliste.

Mr. Bellefleur was last seen heading east up the St. Lawrence seaway in his antique cedar-strip canoe, singing Voyageur tunes, shirtless and wearing his trademark denim shorts and red bandanna, using a case of Laurentide as ballast for the front of the canoe. He was reported as being "extremely agitate, him" by local sources who witnessed Mr. Bellefleur walking down Boulevard Sainte Madeleine smoking, drinking, cursing, yelling and looking for a fight with anyone English-speaking. His ex-girlfriend of five years, Huguette Lafreniere-Willis, was approached for her reaction Thursday but the notoriously publicity-shy Lafreniere appeared to be rather intent upon finishing her jumbo poutine while simultaneously smoking and drinking three different kinds of beer to offer any intelligible comment.

Mr. Bellefleur was apparently upset over his recent decline as the city's unofficial mascot and good-luck charm after staging a graphic and widely publicized protest against "repressiveness and old-world values" in 2006 that earned him nationwide attention and legions of internet fans. He had been upstaged lately by Puanter (Stinky) - a smoking, hard-drinking, one-eyed poker-playing bear with a penchant for dropping loose change on the floor near pretty girls. Bellefleur, who had not been seen in public wearing a shirt since his story went viral, had recently spent his life savings to purchase a large quantity of stock in RIM, convinced it was going to, as he put it, "frickin' shoot to da moon".

There will be a candlelight vigil held this evening near the site of Mr. Bellefleur's disappearance. There is plenty of free parking - jus' go at the Bière Store lot, you.

Pat Travers - Fidelis

2011-09-16T14:42:00.003-04:00

As anyone who knows me can tell you, I'm one of Pat Travers' biggest fans from way back, and yet somehow I missed this album when it came out over a year ago... That's what getting older does to you.

After listening for a few weeks, it has become very apparent that this is his best effort since 1982's Black Pearl. The man is 57, has been recording since 1976, and still has the energy, conviction and drive of someone decades younger. He also seems to have regained his writing touch. Eleven original PT-penned(!) songs with some genuine surprises and lots of smokin' guitar work as always.

Standout tracks include "Edge of Darkness", "Then I'll Fall", "Save Me" and "Josephine" which features an out-of-nowhere reggae-style break that hasn't been heard since his early-80s heyday. There are no duds sprinkled in among the running order, but some "funny voices" threaten to spoil a couple of the songs.

There's a great story on the recording and writing of this album that I'll try to link to when I find it. The name "Fidelis" alludes to several things including keeping the faith, also the longevity and loyalty of many of his fans. His lovely wife Monica sings backup on several of the tracks and does a bangup job.

Overall, PT's vocals are among the best he's ever recorded and are finally a match for the power and passion of his guitar work. Never the strong suit of his early recordings, his voice has matured and has become a powerful instrument on its own and acquired a gritty, soulful feel that perfectly suits his style.

Highly f#$!ing recommended, not the least of which is the fact that it was recorded at an undisclosed remote location in Northern Ontario, which is also name-dropped on the cut "Then I'll Fall". The verse in question never fails to raise the hair on my arms. Always the sign of a good piece of music in my book. Comeback album of the year, even if that year was 2010.

http://www.fabricationshq.com/album-...--fidelis.html

http://www.amazon.com/Fidelis-Pat-Tr...owViewpoints=1

Get it now... and for God's sake if you get the chance, see him live.

R.I.P. Radio

“The true sign of intelligence is not knowledge but imagination.”

Creaulx 2.0

2011-08-29T10:57:00.002-04:00

That's it - I quit!... is what I'm tempted to say with regards to all forms of social networking - Facebook, Google, LinkedIn, etc - in the hopes that it sticks this time. Having officially turned into my father sometime last year, I realize what a huge waste of otherwise productive - or at least enjoyable - time it really is. However, I also know my inner teen slacker self well enough to realize that the internerd ain't going anywhere and neither am I, at least in the short term. Meanwhile, Web 2.0 is now somewhere up around Version 9 and propagating as rapidly as fruit files on a pile of rotten bananas. Facebook may be the gold standard, but it's become stagnant, inert, and a vehicle for advertising and 20th-Century media to attempt to remain relevant. Speaking from experience, it's become a home for the over-40 crowd who are too tired and/or busy to actually go out with friends. Twitter is now a "must-have" although I have yet to figure out why, and Google Plus is hugely - and equally inexplicably - popular. LinkedIn seems to add credibility to their idea of work-based networking, but there are just as many "friend collectors" there as anywhere else. How many social network accounts must a man post on before you can call him a man? Seriously, who has the time for all this electronic faux-interaction and is it worth mortgaging your real relationships for? The answer is far too many and no, respectively. Remember that in the end, you're really talking to yourself, an effect that is just as potent and has far more staying power when you aren't glued to a flat-screen monitor.

The bright promise of electronic communication has fallen far short of what my hopes were just a few years ago largely due to the medium's transience. No matter how good today's posts, there will be something shiny and new to ogle tomorrow, rendering today quickly forgotten. I'll bet I'm not the only person to have lost three and four hours at a stretch to mindless link-surfing, and the attendant guilt when you realize your time would have been better spent sleeping... Because of this, I've essentially given up on television over the last decade, no longer have the attention span to properly digest what I'm reading the few times I actually pick up a newspaper and seem to be more scatterbrained than ever due to the mutiple distractions provided by being always plugged in. Yet my most vivid memories remain those of the pre-electronic age. Note: I did not say the Pleistocene Era, so please don't extrapolate too far out.

I've said it before and am ready to chant the mantra again - long-form writing is one good way to forestall early senility, almost as good as crosswords and Sudoku. The big problem is anyone who would even be apt to read yet another piece of opinion-based writing has neither the time nor gives a rat's ass. So, I do it for myself. I consider it free cognitive therapy that may or may not be read by anyone with the capacity to add to the conversation. It's very nearly the opposite of the quick buzz given by a funny status update or a detached non-sequitur on a social network. I'm sure I'm not the only one who's noticed that everyone on Facebook is trying to be all funny all the time(!), and that's an impossibly high standard to achieve if you even wanted to. Nothing valuable is shared or experienced when everyone is a sarcastic wiseass. When everybody's hip, no one is cool.

So don't read too much into this diatribe as I'm sure Kim Kardashian or Kat von D is up to something far more intellectually stimulating at this very moment. All I'm really trying to do is give my undertaxed brain a kickstart. Here's hoping there's enough viable gray matter left in the ol' girl to make this work.

Music,Time and Perspective

2010-10-01T15:15:00.006-04:00

I have been reading - a lot - about something near and dear to my heart lately; namely, Canadian music - especially what has used to be called "alternative" or "new" rock by radio stations and the media alike. As I get older, like many Gen X'ers - or the Baby Boomers before me - I am naturally looking backward a bit after being let down by what is happening now. I could just as easily be talking about life in general, and for musically-minded me, one complements and goes hand-in-hand with the other. Life has sort of settled into a complacency in terms of new ideas once you hit your mid-40s and it becomes increasingly difficult to get your brain out of it's comfortable neural rut. Or maybe it's just a small rut before the big comeback...

(That's me in the photo above on the right playing our first trial gig of "Singing for Seniors" - 50s and 60s songs intended to shine a little light in the otherwise dark corners of local seniors' residences.)

Once you achieve some stability in life, are reasonable happy in your work, and aren't on the brink of financial disaster at every turn, you start to question what it is that made you passionate about life in the first place. For me, it was - and remains - music.

Some of the best books I have read on this subject are listed below:

"Have Not Been The Same" chronicles the 1985-1995 renaissance period in Canadian "alternative" rock that most closely coincides with my formative years and talks about and with many of the bands that I would consider to be influential in my own life, and is a highly engaging read whether you were there or not. A few of the artists that get coverage include The Tragically Hip, The Grapes of Wrath, The Pursuit of Happiness, Rheostatics, Sloan, The Doughboys, 54.40, Blue Rodeo and many more. Here's Amazon's take on the book, which gives a pretty good rationale for why I picked it up:

According to the authors of Have Not Been the Same--the first comprehensive history of contemporary Canadian rock--1985 was a pivotal year for Canadian music. Generic rockers like Loverboy, Triumph, and Bryan Adams would no longer rule the roost. Instead, "a newer generation looked inside their own country and started to create art for themselves, for the right reasons." The ensuing 10-year window was an amazingly creative and productive time, and artists like the Tragically Hip, Blue Rodeo, Sloan, and the Rheostatics finally made the words "Canadian" and "cool" a plausible combination. The authors examine the history, motivations, and achievements of the era's musicians--both the famous and the undeservedly obscure--with great diligence. Due to the book's considerable girth--nearly 800 pages!--Have Not Been the Same may appeal mainly to fans who were deeply into the underground music scene of the time and still need to know what inspired Eric's Trip to make the album Love Tara or want to learn the weird story of Vancouver proto-grunge band Slow, who made the song for which this book is named. Other readers will be surprised to find out just how much was going on in Canada, and how it was suddenly possible for a band like the Rheostatics to sing songs about hockey hero Wendel Clark and the province of Saskatchewan and be revered for their efforts. --Jason Anderson
Never fear, if you were born before 1975 and lived in Canada for any length of time, had access to a radio, and gave a damn, this book will have something for you.

Dave Bidini's funny and moving "Around the World in 57½ Gigs" nicely dovetails his first solo tour with the 2007 breakup of the Rheostatics, perhaps one of the most influential bands from that era. They never quite broke into the mainstream like a lot of other acts did, yet are still held in high regard, probably because they simply refused to compromise their music for the sake of a hit. Their one nod to the Top 40 was the song "Claire" from the 1994 movie of Paul Quarrington's novel "Whale Music", to which they also composed the soundtrack, as well as their 1992 record of the same name. I finally "got" them this year, and have just come off an eight month aural bender where I played the living hell out of Whale Music, Melville and Night of the Shooting Stars. I strongly suggest you do the same.

For someone like me who was quite literally raised on radio in the 1970s and 80s, I would venture that new music ceased to matter somewhere around 2002, and commercial radio became instantly redundant at the same time. I firmly believe that the recent rapid decline in civilization coincides with hip-hop, mp3's, and Nickelback's rise in popularity. That's not to say that there aren't some great current acts out there, and some great songs and albums produced, they are just pushed further underground, nearly undiscoverable unless you're diligently scouring the interwebbian catacombs every day, something I just don't have the time for. In the 1970s and 80s, it just came at you from the radio - no special effort required other than a set of really good ears.

This one is notable mostly for it's iconic cover as opposed to it's content - I can't conceive of a more Canadian image than the Rheostatics' Martin Tielli wearing a toque while playing his famous doubleneck Ibanez emblazoned with a never-quite-presented idea for the then-new Canadian flag designed by A.Y. Jackson of the Group of Seven. He painted it himself, of course. The only way to make it more Canadian would be to have a stubby bottle of Labatt 50, a Tim Horton's coffee, and a snowsuited beaver playing bass.

Part Two Coming Soon:

Retro Recall -The Halcyon Days of CFNY and The Rise of "Alternative" Rock

Look into the Mirror

2010-07-02T09:22:00.001-04:00

It occurred to me on my quiet way to work today, the day after Canada Day, that Canadians still live in the best country in the world. You can stop rolling your eyes now, I saw that. As I was sitting on the nearly empty express bus, watching the sun shine across the Ottawa river, listening to and being ennobled by the message in "Northern Wish", the Rheostatics' painterly paean to our home and native land, got off the bus and walked in to my particular workplace overhung with gently waving red-and-white flags, I was struck with an overwhelming sense of national pride and gratitude for being able to live and work here.

Despite all human attempts to destroy the planet that we live on (witness the current, horrific belching of thousands of gallons of crude oil every day in the Gulf of Mexico), economic disaster lurking at every turn, wars and injustices continuously being carried out in countries all across the globe; pointless, ridiculously expensive meetings of world leaders right here at home (see post below) and hundreds of other daily annoyances - some large, some small and insignificant in the broad scheme of things - we still have it better than most. Hell, you want bad news, you know where to find it. We're bombarded with it every day from all sorts of different angles. There are a thousand valid reasons why we should all be stalking Parliament Hill with placards, megaphones and possibly molotov cocktails, shouting angrily in protest of one thing or another and demanding justice, fair treatment and funding for our own particular pet cause - what used to be called "special interests". Save for a misguided, vocal minority infected with a virulent, wrongheaded sense of entitlement, Canadians don't do that. What we do best is quietly go about our daily business to the best of our ability. The old-fashioned work ethic that saw our predecessors through hard times in the past continues - it just never makes the news.

Don't get me wrong - I'm in favour of many of the things that reasonable, intelligent people write and/or protest about. I also believe our country needs a bit of a political and economic reboot. There are real problems that I won't diminish. I'm not naïve enough to believe that Canada really looks like a Group of Seven painting - but if you get far enough out of the city, it does... What we often forget in our efforts to shout above the din is that there's still an awful lot of good here. Our national identity is something we've struggled with since 1867, but the best thing about the Canada that our parents grew up in was that anyone with a dream could succeed with enough tenacity (and a bit of luck). Somehow, even with all the doom and gloom of the world today, it's still possible. Tune out the naysayers - the world, our little corner in particular, is what you make of it.

Happy Canada Day!

Time Well Spent

2010-07-01T14:19:00.007-04:00

*START SARCASM GENERATOR NOW*

Roughly a week ago, give or take a few days (who's counting) some of the more level-headed members of our society decided to gather together and politely demonstrate to the worlds leaders gathered in Toronto (I like the word "gather"; it's a happy word, full of promise and joy) that they were not happy with the way things were and that perhaps a different way of thinking would be appropriate.

Apparently (I'm going on here-say) the world leaders gathered in Toronto were kinda busy so they were unable to attend any think-tank with the level-headed members of our society but they did send some representatives of the local constabulary to try and maintain peace and order. The more level-headed members of our society decided to try and circumnavigate the local constabulary in order to at least get closer to the world leaders gathered in Toronto but the local constabulary were organized and ably lead and were able (for the most part) to stay one step ahead of the more level-headed members of our society.

In the end the world leaders were able to meet in relative peace and quiet before leaving for their respective countries due largely to the efforts of the local constabulary and their ability to stay one step ahead of the more level-headed members of our society.

TURN OFF SARCASM GENERATOR NOW.

START RANT.

The police do a thankless, difficult job protecting us for ourselves and the latent retarded (in dictionary sense of the word) anti-social tendencies that we have lurking around inside our craniums and more often than not they are vilified in the media, spurned by the public and feared by our youth. We live in a country where anyone caught doing a crime has more rights than the people trying to stop them. We've all seen the images and film of the police cars burning in the downtown core of Toronto and of the pointless vandalism and wanton destruction of shops and businesses up and down Yonge Street.

To what end? Did this make anyone sit and take notice that there was problems in the world that need to be fixed? Really ?!?!

Or did it just make you think, like I did, that large groups of people suffer from terminal brain cramps? Give some reason for the large groups of the criminally stupid to mass together and protest *anything* and watch the fun! Mob mentality! Missing were the torches and pitchforks and just because there wasn't time to find a dark ages-themed shop. The only thing between what happened and what could have happened was the thin, blue line of the men and women of our police force. Working un-thanked and un-appreciated as usual.

Last week made me ashamed (briefly) of being a Canadian who lives in the GTA. What must the rest of the world think of us now.............

Good job police. Keep trying to protect us from ourselves. And Happy Canada Day.

END RANT.

Post Traumatic Stress

2010-06-29T22:37:00.001-04:00

So. What have I been up to?

After seven-and-a-half long months in an Uzbeki prison with little to do but watch a 13" black & white Sylvania TV showing nothing but old Soviet propaganda films and horrendous Eastern European game shows, I'm back - released of my own recognisance, down thirty pounds and full of crossword clues, excellent curse words, and beet recipes I never knew existed...

*******************************

..is what I would say had I been held in such a manner. Unfortunately and far less dramatically, I have no real excuse other than laziness and writer's block for not updating this Web Log, or, what we techies call - and try to follow me here if you can - a "blog". Instead of being honest, I'm trying to lure eyeballs and potential advertising dollars with a sordid, poorly-spun tale of unjustifiable incarceration, and for that I am truly, deeply sorry. This is me, hanging my head in shame right now.

With that off my chest, I can tell you that there will be all sorts of goodies to look forward to on this - say it with me - "blog" in the coming months. Oh man, just you wait 'til you see what we have cookin' - Famous guest columnists! Free music! Great summer recipes! A visit from Oprah! Ticket giveaways, monster trucks, an explanation of the "Twilight" phenomenon that actually makes sense, Spanish hookers, three-legged hamster racing, and the world's largest single piece of cobblestone from the Giant's Causeway! These are just a few of the things that I cannot procure and are are beyond my grasp.

Instead, it'll be more of the same stuff you, my loyal ~~readers~~ ~~family~~ ~~ex-girlfriend~~ insomniacs, are used to.
Unless I can convince my Contributing Editors to come back, this is no empty threat. This is the 21st century equivalent of a gun to a kitten's head.

So let's keep everyone happy, including the metaphorical kitten, and get some new stuff up here pronto. That is all. You may return to your life, already in progress.

Meanderings of the Directionless

2009-11-13T12:22:00.003-05:00

Greetings from real life. It seems trying to come up with a visual theme and some appeal for a form of technology that lost it's mainstream audience five years ago (blogging) is a Herculean task. Note: By Herculean, I mean the low-budget 70's animated Hercules, of course. Complete with sound effects generated by kids banging on a garage door with a baseball bat, and slow-moving, dull-witted monsters that have a narrow range of expression. Basically, they all go "HNNNNGGGHHHHGGGHHHH!!!"

Hey, I love long-form writing as much as the next meatbag; but with the limited amount of "leisure" time available to me, I have been avoiding this place like the plague, or at least trying to shorten up the amount of time required to to dress it up with unrelated photos. Look! Here's Frog & Toad™, for no apparent reason other than I like them:

I'm going to pledge nothing in terms of content, but I need to wet my feet here, so bear with me for the short term while I try to conjure up a eureka moment to figure out why this blog should exist. So far all I've come up with is a smörgåsbord combo of fiction, humour, news, op-ed style writing and personal diary, all related to the central theme of s**t that gets in your way as you try to navigate the deceptively shallow waters of life...

Failure - Not Only An Option, It's Now Encouraged!

2009-05-25T09:38:00.007-04:00

What's bothering me this week? Stupidity, gross ignorance, lack of ownership, accountability and indifference of the general and more specific varities. No one seems to be outraged that children aren't allowed to fail, no matter their grades, in elementary school even if they are, in fact, failures.

If this is the new trend, then hopefully it will spread concentrically to our jobs, and society in general so that we can run over people at will and do nothing (or something, only poorly) all day at work and be rewarded for it.

This country and society are well on their way to ruin and not only because of the complete economic failure that is heading our way. Lessee, Tommy didn't hand in his geography assignment because he was out all night drinking? Give that boy an "A+" and get him into ninth grade ASAP. We need more young men like you, son...

Seriously, what good will come of letting children who are failures believe they are successes?

Comment + thought = Stand-alone article

2009-04-21T07:59:00.007-04:00

Posted by my bro in the comments of the post below, thought it worthy of an entry all on it's own:

My favourite take on the auto industry is how it's all the Union's fault that everything is going off the rails. It has nothing to do with GM's greed in needing a competitive vehicle in every single niche market, no matter how insignificant. Also, Chrysler needs to make vans and nothing else. Well maybe the Challenger, but not for $60k. It's not like it's a new design or even a new engine.
GM released the Chevy HHR after playing catch-up to the PT Cruiser, but about 5 years too late to cash in on the trend. The HHR, much like the PT Cruiser is now D.O.A. and no one would be caught dead in one. This is an example of wasting huge development costs for a trend that's already dead by the time you get your crapwagon to market.

Labour costs are about 10% of the price of a vehicle. Take 10% off every vehicle and you still aren't selling vehicles because people are :
a) afraid they will lose their jobs
b) cannot get a loan from the bank
c) really don't need to replace their three year old car in the first place
d) waiting for the prices to drop.........waiting .......still waiting..........

Toyota had to lease an ocean liner to store unsold vehicles because they have run out of fields and warehouses to store new vehicles. As supply and demand tells us, this glut of unsold vehicles should mean lower prices, but instead government is stealing from us to prop up the Companies for another few days.

.....still waiting........

What's really inferior about north American cars is their design and engineering. But everyone targets the union people who put them together. There's something about a car assembled for minimum wage that would not make me comfortable at 130 kph on the 401, but that's just me.

At GM there are 5 retirees for every line worker. This is simply not the reality at the Japanese branch plants since they only began producing here in the 1980s.

What is inexcusable has been the quality lapse which is narrowing, but honestly should have been met or exceeded in the mid nineties. Japanese vehicles are clearly more reliable if one looks through the well regarded Consumer Report auto edition. If more people did this, GM and Chrysler would have been out of business long ago.

As you bid farewell to iconic manufacturers here in Ontario you need to realize a basic economic rule. Manufacturing creates wealth, and these Companies are the last gasp of big manufacturing here. Countless Ontario part makers will also fail along with the companies they supply. That will mean more unemployment and a lower standard of living for you and I eventually. And Dalton McGuinty, Premier for life, will respond as he always does, by raising taxes. Which further hampers any recovery and punishes anyone still trying to make a living honestly.

Also these parts suppliers are supplying Honda and Toyota here in Canada. If/when they fail, your Canadian made imports will be even more expensive since parts will be made everywhere else in the world but here.

I was on to the greedy business owning bastards as our manufacturing jobs were slowly sent offshore in the nineties, but no one else noticed. Now we cheer with glee as the last of the industrial revolution dies off, leaving service sector jobs and little else. You won't even be able to ask anyone if they want fries with that because there won't be any paying customers.

Professional analysts are saying that a depression will follow the collapse of the big two. This will be a nasty summer for Americans, who will protest violently as jobs evaporate faster than stimulus dollars, and people start to go hungry. I hope they are wrong.

At least my eight year old Ford is still running as I approach summer layoff. I might need to keep it a few more years, peeling paint and rusty bare spots not withstanding.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009 by K.R. Raven

GM Needs To Die

2009-04-20T10:07:00.007-04:00

In apparent contradiction to my supposedly Conservative viewpoint (truthfully, pretty malleable on a day-to-day basis) I am responding in knee-jerk fashion to a headlining story I've just read about GM cutting another 1600 jobs cuts in order to qualify for yet another round of government aid. Gimme, gimme, gimme...

To me, that's like cutting off your foot to collect your accidental death & dismemberment uinsurance. Sure, it's a great payoff, but you can't f&*$ing walk anymore. And to carry the metaphor a little further, unlike private citizens, GM hasn't been paying it's premiums the last little while.

If GM was a car, it'd be an uninsurable wreck. To even

write a news story about them, it's now mandatory to preface the phrase "automaker" with the word"struggling".

Would you consider buying a GM(or Chrysler) vehicle at this point, knowing that Chapter 11 protection is probably weeks away? Even if either company had a desirable vehicle, it'd be a no-brainer.

Governments on both sides of the 49th parallel need to stop pouring buckets of cash down the stinking, clogged drain that is the North American auto industry, let them die their much-deserved death and let everyone get on with their lives. Out of the ashes, phoenix-like, something better will arise.

This "stimulus package" money that has been bandied about by Obama and Stephen Harper like some sort of saviour has done the sum total of nothing to stimulate the economy. No one in the auto industry has learned anything. They've had 33 years since the Honda Civic was introduced to catch up, and the best they can come up with is the Dodge Caliber, Ford Focus (2008 version) or Chevrolet Cobalt. Put the cane away, guys, the horse is dead.

It's time to stop this horrible waste of money. How about incentives for ordinary folks to actually buy vehicles? How about incentives for Toyota, Honda, Mazda, VW, Hyundai, Kia, etc (you know, SUCCESSFUL auto manufacturers) to build more of their products in North America to keep at least some of the people who comprise the world's largest market employed at more reasonable rates of pay and without some of the more ridiculous union protection? Contracts need to be renegotiated to keep this kind of protectionism out of the language of all labour contracts.

There's a reason this nation is failing, and throwing non-existent money around like some sort of drunken moron who just won the lottery is not going to save it.

Arrivederci, GM and Chrysler.

(I considered saying "It's been a hell of a ride", but the K-car, the Chevy Vega, the Dodge Durango, the Pontiac Aztek, the Pontiac Sunfire, the Pontiac Acadian, the Pontiac Sunbird, the Pontiac Grand Am - hell, the Pontiac AnyF$%&ingthing pretty much put a nail in that coffin.)

Miley Cyrus defends her older boyfriend

2009-04-03T07:41:00.004-04:00

So will a lawyer one day. The only question is what type? Divorce? Criminal? Personal injury?

Shout-out of the week

2009-03-02T21:20:00.005-05:00

Bill Maher's Real Time. Great HBO show that cuts through the bolshevik that pervades our media. He tempers his political vitriol with just enough humour to avoid depression and panic.

Very right for the times and of more use than Stephen Colbert and that other guy, whasisname, Jon Stewart. Those guys are so pre-meltdown. Only complaint: Once a week isn't enough!

Good Things Happen To Reasonably Good People

2009-02-11T15:04:00.008-05:00

Sometimes, without warning, the obstacles actually recede for a short time, the Red Sea parts and the downtrodden finally make their way to safety. I'm one of the lucky ones. As the economy crumbles like last week's cheesecake, I have once again bucked worldwide trends and been made permanent at my job after 7 months. I can't believe it, it still hasn't sunk in.

I'm cautiously optimistic and a little dazed about the whole thing. I've had a rough three years since moving to Ottawa (truthfully it started long before that, I was never cut out for sales, yet somehow lasted twenty years in that most dishonourable of professions). It was a gamble to move here and it looks like it has finally paid off in a career I can live with. I suppose I should give thanks to some higher power or at least count my lucky stars, whatever that means. I think I have exactly one lucky star and it has come through for me bigtime. This isn't exactly news or even all that interesting, but now I know what it feels like to finally win one.

Now, what to do with the rest of my life...

Dream A Little Materialistic Dream

2009-01-24T21:33:00.012-05:00

First of all, let's just get this out of the way:

I realize the worldwide economy is in the tank and I should be thinking about hoarding gold and Campbell's soup in my basement, as well as the common good of my fellow man.
There are horrible injustices going on every day in Guantanamo Bay, Iraq, Iran, Afghanistan, China, Somalia, Zimbabwe, Toronto and many other third-world countries.
I should be out there, somewhere, in dreads and a bloody, sweat-stained Che Guevera t-shirt shouting leftist slogans and brandishing an AK-47, ferociously trying to make a difference in the world while disavowing all things material.
They say that Little Mosque on the Prairie is a really good show. I should be watching it.

Guess what? It ain't gonna happen. None of it. Beside being too old for !Vive La Revolution¡, I like stuff. It makes me forget about all the horrible crap that's going on in the world, if only until the bills come in. Kind of like Xanax for the soul. Not surprising for a guy who came of age in the 70s and 80s, with the golden promises of a life better than that of our parents. The members of Douglas Coupland's Generation X (birth years approximately 1961-81), myself included, are the first generation to succumb to lowered expectations. It's also not surprising that I often daydream about the open road, cheap gasoline and unencumbered travel in a safe world that doesn't exist anymore (and may never have). Box cutters, anyone?

There, it's out of the way and I can just show off a few pics of the car I'd like to own, which Ford will never import here in its current form. They're far too stupidly cautious, don't trust their customers and a few vehicles like this might actually create some genuine enthusiasm for their products, thereby increasing their profits to slightly above zero. Wouldn't want that in a worldwide recession / depression...

See below for more ranting on this same subject.

Is it wrong to be thinking about something like this when we all seem to be in batten-down-the-hatchbacks mode? Or is this form of escapism harmless? Not sure, but damn, that is one sweet-looking ride that is right for this stressed-out century. 35 mpg and enough room for guitars, amps, beer and the family, if the mood should strike.

I need only ask one question:

Why not, Ford?

Does Your TV Suffer from Constant, Irritating "Judder"?

2009-01-22T21:06:00.010-05:00

Well,doesn't it? Of course it does, you idiot!!! You just don't know it yet.

Apparently any flat panel LCD TV that isn't a 120 Hz Sharp does. What about the new, 240 Hz Sonys? According to the lowest-common-denominator-higher-numbers-equals-better crowd at Suture Shop, it must be four times better than regular HDTVs. Absolute horse shite, I say.

Unfortunately for me, that atrocity isn't a typo. I can picture the 24 year old unshaven, hoodie-wearing Justin Long lookalike copywriter creating this gibberish and being congratulated with high-fives from his geeky stoner colleagues as he comes up with the winning adjective five minutes before they're all set to hit the peeler bar, bongs in tow.

Or maybe I'm just a cranky old bastard. Yeah, that's probably it.

According to those in the tech-know, this sort of motion-smoothing technology for home television has nearly no basis in reality, and needs to be turned off when watching anything but the NFL or Venus and Serena battling each other on the clay. Crikey - sign me up!
"Where can I dumps my wheelbarrow full of moneys so's I can walk off wit one a' these babies?"

It's an old caveat, but ferchrissakes, people, don't believe everything you read in a Future Shop or Best Buy flyer. Even if it sounds all Web 3.0-ish. After being in sales for twenty years and seeing some pretty underhanded, shady crap being pulled on a daily basis, never trust a salesman, saleswoman, or any other gendered thing trying to sell you goods and/or services.

In other words, trust your eyes, not some slimy greaseball with the morals of John Wayne Gacy. Now, excuse me while I go check the Leafs game for a surplus of "judder". I'm sure that's what's causing my unhappiness.

Things Continue To Get Extremely Worse.

2009-01-20T10:10:00.010-05:00

Original Post From July; quite prescient given the current predictions of depression-esque tendencies in the economy.

How true. Very poorly worded, but true. The title quote was taken from a union representative in Oshawa commenting on the recent GM truck plant closure there after the government threw as much spare cash as they could at GM, but it applies to a lot of things recently. Car companies don't really deserve government bailouts, do they? How about the local Mom & Pop type stores that are constantly going under due to the overkill of retail in this country? Blame Wal-Mart if you will, but there's a simple reason we're getting "extremely worse" in this country and in the US of (DO)A...

We're lazy and greedy, and getting "worser" by the minute. I should know, I work for the Federal Government. You want entitlement issues? Try unionized government workers with strong socialist tendencies who want to do as little as possible and get paid handsomely for their inactivity. Most criticisms levelled at the way Government is conducted are spot-on.

So, greed got us into this mess - how do we propose to get out of it? Why, naturally, by spending our way back into prosperity. If that's true, can I actually justify my recent insane flat panel HDTV purchase merely by it's incremental contribution to the GNP, thereby allowing me to sleep at night? Yes, I Can™! Thanks, Obama!

Unlike Kent Brockman, I'm not pointing the finger squarely at you in particular, as I can be firmly lumped in with the gooey masses. We still have a false sense of entitlement in this country that is to be found nowhere else in the world save the USA, and possibly Sweden.

In many third-world developing nations, the mere act of getting out of bed and walking to the local market can be a matter of life and death. In North America, we still take so much for granted, that when we do fall it'll be ten times harder than what anyone can forecast.

Your stock market performance or new BMW M3 isn't the topic of conversation when you can't scrape together enough to pay the mortgage, and roving bands of starving Liberals are your biggest late-night worry. It's a fine line between comfort and being hungry, but you always know when you've crossed it, and we're not there yet. As a result, I don't hold out much hope for things to improve. Like an addict, we have to hit rock bottom and sleep in a few dumpsters before our friends call an intervention. I wonder what the state of the Union (and Canada) will be like six months from now when all the post-coronation Obama hype has died down and we can all get back to cold hard reality.

Despite my pessimistic tone, I actually think (or is it hope) that we can get through this crisis. Nothing is more inventive than an addict looking for his next fix. After all, you can always find the money somewhere.

SNL - Newly Relevant or a Shadow of the Past?

2008-09-17T13:14:00.014-04:00

The wide cast of web-pinion seems divided on whether the current SNL cast is poised on the verge of renewed greatness, or at the edge of the abyss (Check the comments here). Having not been a regular watcher since the mid-90's, I can't vouch for anything other than this 2008 season-opening clip. It's as if Tina Fey was born to play Sarah Palin. Not so much Amy Poehler's Hillary likeness, her mannerisms actually aren't quite shrill or shrewish enough (Does she also play Martha Stewart?) It works because of Fey's fearlessness.
I can see the value of that trait in comedy as well as in life.

I find life a lot less funny since giving up beer and taking on full-time parenting, financial and social anxiety as a replacement. The early 90s were SNL's golden age to me and represent a time in my life when everything wasn't life and death:

Dennis Miller, Chris Farley, Mike Myers, Adam Sandler before he became obnoxious, David Spade, Julia Sweeney, Dana Carvey, Phil Hartman - a veritable laundry list of hilarity, memorable sketches and characters. One of the criticisms of this period is Lorne Michaels' overuse of recurring characters, and I agree. Maybe Rob Schneider wouldn't have been reduced to doing horrendously unfunny movies (see The Animal) if he'd been allowed to stretch his legs a bit instead of being "Copier Guy" for three years straight. Still, say what you will about the cast's post-SNL careers, they were all at the top of their game on the show, and the recent retrospective "SNL In The 90's" only reaffirms my view. Instant (mostly undeserved) nostalgia is all the rage these days but in this case it's warranted.

With all the doom and gloom coming out of the media since the summer, I still believe it's important to be able to laugh at something before you deconstruct and analyze it into the ground. Tina Fey is doing a great job of it.

(Oct. 9th Update: See YouTube for some amazing clips of CNN anchor Wolf Blitzer relaying a similar message, this Palin thing has become quite the phenomenon. Perhaps Palin would do better in interviews and the polls if she paid Fey to impersonate her at press conferences, and quietly drop the folksy Fargo schtick when asked a serious question, about, say, the US government's $700 billion financial bailout. Katie Couric was obviously baiting her. It doesn't excuse Palin's atrocious ignorance or inability to properly deflect the question, but what was the point - unless you or your employer is distincly partisan. I suppose Couric would say the "truth had to be exposed".)

The Steely Dan Show - 2008-07-10 Bethel Woods NY

2008-09-08T10:47:00.010-04:00

Here's the link (sorry, now a dead link as MusicWebtown is becoming a paid service) to this well recorded show, not sure if you can download the mp3's and save 'em to your hard drive. All that comes up for me is Apple's much-despised Quicktime web player. Utterly useless.

This is an audience recording but is very clear, decent stereo separation. For all you drummers or wannabees (like myself) out there check Keith Carlock's small break towards the end of track one, an instrumental medley of "Everyone's Gone To the Movies" and "The Fez". The man is a monster, both of the groove and has stellar chops to boot when required. The great thing is he always manages to keep it interesting, probably more for himself than anyone else. The side benefit is if you're a musician or just a really avid music fan, you'll quite often break out in to a smile at some of his references.

Donald Fagens' voice is as good as I've heard it in 15 years of touring and Walter Becker's guitar sounds like he actually rehearsed as opposed to the noodling I was used to from previous tours.

The rearrangements of classic tunes include a funked-up version of "Show Biz Kids" that improves and expands upon the droning one-dimensionality of the original; it's almost a complete rewrite and if you've never heard it, it a real groovin' treat. "Everything You Did" gets the reggae-lite treatment that characterized both the "Gaucho"-era outtake "The Second Arrangement" and Becker's recent solo album Circus Money. See if you can spot the "new" chord in the verses...

Special props to Jon Herington's amazingly lithe adaptation of all the session players in the 'Dan's "magnificent" history while retaining his own style. He really puts a unique personal stamp on every song. The horns are tasty and more up-front than in most of their recorded output.

The Economics Of Stupidity

2008-08-25T22:18:00.001-04:00

I live in the suburbs. I like living in the suburbs. I choose to live here, for reasons that will become obvious, and have always aspired to own my own house; not "semi-detached" to someone else's, not a "townhome" which is nothing but a glorified apartment. I grew up in a neighbourhood similar in feel to the one I now reside in, and despite the squalling left's insistence to the contrary, there is still nothing quite like having your own little space, your own trees, your own yard, your own garage. I don't like sharing a common wall with my neighbour. I don't like sharing anything other than idle conversation with them. I realize that my dream is based on an outmoded ideal from the 1950's and am unapologetic about it. On the other hand, I also believe that everyone is entitled to live somewhere decent and most people buy what they can afford. It's unfortunate that our new ideal is cramming as many units per square kilometre as humanly possible. Density breeds discontent, at least in my mind. I've lived in apartments and semi-detached houses, and always feel like I can't quite breathe properly. A quarter of a million dollars doesn't get you much in 2008. So I do apologize if I come across as a gun-toting redneck, when nothing could be further from the truth.

Without getting in to the economics of such a prospect, the tale of which could fill a large book of it's own, suffice to say that I realize that living in Greater Suburbia comes at a cost. It's a lot of work and expense to maintain a small single-family home these days, some would say too much work. It's also a requirement to have at least one, and most often two cars, which contribute to global warming and unnecessarily clog our roads with traffic. I say bosh, flimshaw... Go big or go, uh, to a townhome / birdhouse. Maintenance is part of the deal. Many people I know privately agree with me on this, while publicly applauding the new high-density ideal that is scheduled for this neck of the woods. Yay! More low-income ne'er-do-wells stacked on top of one another!!! I'm literally bursting with anticipation for the density of this area - let's call it "Farrhaven" - to increase to inner-city levels in the faint hopes that the transit system will have more stops here, or that the city might deem it fit to include us in their light-rail plans (currently on indefinite hold). Our fine city counsellor (let's call him or her Jen Hasder) has publicly said so, and is drawing support from a disturbingly large chunk of the brainwashed public. I don't see her, (or him) building a third storey on his (or her) house and letting renters move in. All right, for the sake of clarity, the counsellor in question is a woman.

Sigh. Are people idiots, or is it merely my outsider perspective that sheds some seriously obvious light on the error of this plan? I can hear you saying "both", and you are correct, sir or madam.

Will the roads be appropriately widened to make room for the influx of new citizens driving to work and to shop? Will the newfound tax money be used for anything other than padding City employees' retirement funds and replacing the sodium lights in their private golf courses so they can play at night? Will we get better snowplowing in the winter and road maintenance in the summer? Will anyone explain why there are no f-ing sidewalks in this bloody town? Of course not. Will lip service and studies be paid to determine that none of these things are "within the budget"? Of course they will. In short, I firmly believe that there will be no increase in our services or in the quality of life here. Quite the contrary, in five years this nice little suburb may well already be victim to declining property values, higher crime rates and disintegrating infrastructure. By then, I'll be on my way out of here before the crystal-meth lab next door blows up in the middle of the night.

Here's the real reason Ford is in trouble...

2008-07-25T22:51:00.013-04:00

Wow. That's all I can say when I go to the Ford UK site and take a long look around, carefully wiping the drool from the keyboard in hopes it doesn't short out. It is precisely cars like this that are needed in North America, and have been for some time. It has taken $1.40 / litre gasoline and the resulting backlash against large gas guzzling behemoths to make the automotive sector wake the hell up from their self-induced 15 year SUV coma.

Reading the Globe (and also the Mail) today, I realized that Ford in the USA and Canada still don't have a clue as to what the North American market wants or is willing to spend on a small car. They have finally announced a change in direction, but it's probably too little too late for Ford Canada.
There are plans to finally bring the European Focus to our shores, along with the snazzy new Fiesta and some other interesting-sounding vehicles by 2010, but - no wagon, and only a maybe on the 5 door hatchback. I've owned two Focus wagons, a 2001 and a 2004, both were superlative in terms of style, gas mileage, versatility, cargo storage and overall driving satisfaction. The redesign in 2005 made the Focus into just another ordinary car. They sucked all the distinctiveness out of it with the lame chrome grille and Crown Vic-inspired dashboard, as well as the overly cheap interior materials. Ford are completely missing the boat on the small crossover / wagon sector dominated by the likes of the newly-revamped Toyota Matrix / Pontiac Vibe twins, and the utterly horrible Dodge Caliber. Another opportunity lost.

A telling quote from Ford advisor Joseph Phillipi says "the key (to Ford's success) will be making those vehicles less European in terms of the touchy-feely aspects." What a profoundly stupid comment. Less European? Ford has made blunder after blunder in terms of North American model releases, and they hold up the Contour and the Merkur as examples of flops that demonstrate why European cars don't sell well in North America. Unfortunately, those vehicles didn't sell because they were really freaking crappy, not because they were European-designed. The UK model lineup is much better than what we are spoon-fed on this side of the pond.

Here's what Ford and people like Mr. Phillipi think we want:

Yeah, an underpowered engine, chrome bars on the grille, an automatic transmission, a trunk and fake side gills is exactly what I want. Riiiight.

I also love being told what I want instead of being listened to. Last year, Ford discontinued the hatchback and wagon versions of the Focus, against the protestations of the public. Those models were the only reason to buy one in the first place.

Ford Canada, so we're clear, here's what I want: This exact model, with no changes except the steering wheel on the left side.
I, and thousands like me would gladly pay a little more for the Euro Focus as is, not "Americanized". I'm sure Mr. Phillippi has considered a Woody Wagon version of this car for us dumb-ass North Americans.

In short, make this car available here and I'll buy it. Keep telling me what you think I want and be prepared for bankruptcy. It's that simple.

Is it me or is it difficult to concentrate on anything these days?

2008-07-20T13:36:00.002-04:00

It occurs to me as I sit at the computer with 6 different windows open and the television on in the background that I'm having a hard time concentrating on anything for any length of time. Go figure.

Take a drive and you are bombarded by information from signs and cars and the radio plus the incoming text messages and phone calls from the Crackberry device; turn on the television to any of the all-news channels and there is a ton of information on the screen at any given time. I can see the talking head, well, talk while I get weather information, stock tips, health tips, asparagus tips and what have you while my brain keeps up a running game of "Keep Away" with my eyes. The eye sees something that the brain interprets as bizarre and the information is gone as fast as it showed up leaving the brain to wonder what the hell just happened.

Does anybody read books anymore or do you just listen to audio books in the car to and from work? And is it a crime to sit and do nothing? I'd like nothing better than to sit in an easy chair and stare forward a la David Puddy for about a half hour.

"No, I'm good."

The world is a lot smaller now. Wayyy smaller. I like it when I was a kid growing up and Toronto was a mystical place far, far away filled with wonders. Not like now. I live and work in the GTA and it's not that wonderful anymore. Maybe it's just me.

We Owe It To Ourselves

2008-07-18T23:10:00.006-04:00

...to do something about the appalling lack of Canadian-made goods available at the vast majority of retailers in this country. Check your shoes - where are they made? Even if they say Rockport or Clarks on the sole, the little tongue tag gives away the country of origin as China. Same with just about any garment that used to be made, if not in this country, then at least on this continent.

It's a situation that has knocked the manufacturing sector on it's ass over the last few years, and despite popular consensus, free trade is not to blame. Three years ago, the protective tariffs that helped Canadian goods compete in the international marketplace were lifted and it's been going downhill at breakneck speed ever since, according to a feature story on CBC's The National tonight. Jobs have been lost in the thousands to third world cheap labour countries, the usual gang of suspect countries being the beneficiaries of our unwillingness to pay $5 more for a shirt or pair of pants made in this country.

To remedy this, I've placed a request in to contact some of these garment manufacturers to see if there would be any interest in assembling a national web registry of Canadian Manufacturers for goods of all types, under the banner of www.madeincanada.ca. There, you would be able to search out, say, t-shirts, or winter coats and how to buy them, with links to the manufacturers' sites. It's just an idea in the earliest stages of planning, but I know that I'm not the only one out there who's mad as hell and not going to take it anymore.

I wonder where the masks our Olympic athletes are forced to wear due to the dangerous air quality wearing in Beijing are made? Hoboken? Something tells me not so much...

...and now back to our regularly scheduled lampooning of society.

Jessica Alba gives birth to full grown lady and names her Satania Rae

2008-06-09T22:20:00.008-04:00

Congratulations are in order, we suppose, for Jessica Alba and her husband Monington J. Baggs on the birth of their first and only child, a rather large adult. The apparently 46-year old, one hundred twenty pound woman was delivered relatively intact to a shell-shocked Alba, who was expecting twins. (So much for expectations. I've been expecting a lottery win for several years now.)

The name came after the petulant newborn set fire to her hospital bed after borrowing a lighter from a nearby nurse's station. "She jist a-walked on ov'y and grabbed herself, it", said Dottie Holtber, a cleaning woman whom we stopped talking to the minute after this quote was taken. "Twas the strangest ol' thang I ever did see." She snuck that one by us. Damn her.

Just remember, the truth will never make the news, they'll show you some beautiful baby borrowed from a modeling agency with some sickeningly cute name like, oh, I don't know, Honor Marie or some such horseshit. The government will in all likelihood, succeed in covering this one up. If Jessica Alba really wants a baby, she'll buy one. Anyhow, who wants a white baby anymore - they're so last century.

The Winter That Just Won't Quit (But Had Better, And Soon)

2008-03-14T08:50:00.012-04:00

Looks like Wiarton Willie and Punxsatawney Phil were right this year. It's been six weeks since the famed rodent prognosticators forecast an extended winter, and damned if the mangy vermin weren't spot-on. Like everyone else in Canada, I'm ready for spring anytime it feels like gracing us with its presence. Now would be good, with the exception of the mountains of snow here in Ottawa just waiting to melt and simultaneously destroy both my basement and my roof.

Not only does one have way too much time on their hands when unemployed, add Seasonal Affective Disorder and you've got a recipe for depression that can only be salved by the sweet sounds of music and the imminent arrival of a season that is currently MIA.

So far we're pushing record amounts of snowfall here, and everyone's mood seems to be highly irritable with a supersized side of testy. Residential and secondary roads are essentially down to a single lane, yet no one seems to care enough to realize that you actually have to slow down to pass and avoid sideswiping the other guy on your way to wait in line to get your Roll Up The Rim cup from a listless, apathetic, incoherent, pimply-faced, tattooed and multiply-pierced Tim Hortons teen. (Side note: It's a sure sign of spring when the glaze in their sullen eyes is replaced by jumpy antipathy. You couldn't pay me enough to manage a ragtag group, sorry, "team" of these kids.)

One person here in Ottawa has decided to make the best of winter and build a record-breaking snow fence in his front yard that made it to the front pages of Digg, the smarmy geek-infested social news site. Kudos to this guy's creativity.

My energy level sinks like a stone when I even think about the amount of work involved in the upkeep of this thing. It's quite enough for me to blow, say, 52 cm of il neige out of the driveway like last Saturday; let alone pile and shape it on a daily basis into an imposing monolith that's like the photo negative version of the ones from 2001: A Space Odyssey.

No, better to think of the coming spring and the accompanying burst of energy (and mad cleaning) that will follow.

It'll get here on its own schedule and with any luck, my mind will still be in working order (albeit corroded and in need of a tuneup) when the first warm breeze blows through the narrow, sidewalk-impaired streets of Ottawa. Maybe it's true that you can't rush a good thing. One can only hope. Now off to Hortons for that coffee - oh, right, those saturnine kids... Never mind, I'll brew my own.

The Canadian Dream

2007-12-05T23:33:00.000-05:00

so·cial·ism /ˈsoʊʃəˌlɪzəm/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[soh-shuh-liz-uhm] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation
–noun
1.
a theory or system of social organization that advocates the vesting of the ownership and control of the means of production and distribution, of capital, land, etc., in the community as a whole.
2.
procedure or practice in accordance with this theory.
3.
(in Marxist theory) the stage following capitalism in the transition of a society to communism, characterized by the imperfect implementation of collectivist principles.
Compare utopian socialism.

There's the definition, look at number three, and it fits Canada's current transition period perfectly. Instead of utopian socialism, I much prefer Trudeaupian Socialism, but I won't split hairs. It began with our much-cherished "free" healthcare system, but along the way we have been given the EI and welfare systems, the gun registry, and the coming state-run child care system the Liberals have proposed. With each step we surrender our choices to big brother or the nanny state. It's a slow and creeping process.

It is now mandatory to wear a helmet when you ride a bike. Last year Canadian politicians pushed for helmets on children who toboggan. Dalton Mc Guinty just banned trans fats in Ontario schools, and out east it is now illegal to smoke in the car if you have a child aboard. Smoking has been demonized, and alcohol too. The thought of having a drink at a friends house at Christmas is out of the question. This is creeping socialism, in small increments.

Some of these things may be good, but look at the choices you are not being allowed to make any more. You cannot be trusted; your judgment is suspect, and now "we" will make the right choices for you. Now give us half your income so we can regulate you, and provide for you. Do you see the trend? And why am I the only Canadian ticked off about half my income being gobbled up in taxes? It isn't just your income tax, it's sales tax and GST, property taxes and gasoline taxes, etc...

For every problem real or imagined, the Liberals are there to propose another costly social program sure to exceed cost projections, not fulfill its' mandate, and generally be ineffective.

Life is unfair. If my fellow citizen has not prepared himself for life after high school, has not educated himself, has not expressed any interest in becoming a productive member of society, why should my tax dollars make up the difference? Conversely if another dude has a better job and more skills than I have, then I don't believe I should share his success, nor live off of his taxes.

I feel strongly that Socialism has been an abysmal failure everywhere it has been tried in the world. Our Canadian natural resources are helping to pay the huge cost of this system, but I feel that a harsher reality is just around the corner. The rise of the loonie is more the fall of the US dollar, along with the recent mortgage and credit crunches in the US. These events should serve as a stern warning about a vulnerable financial sytem, teetering under the weight of massive credit. Something tells me if it really does go bad, we will lose a lot more choices than we can imagine.

Kyoto and "the Goracle"

2007-12-01T16:25:00.000-05:00

Okay so it's the first of December, and I had to chase the penguins out of my driveway this morning. Keep in mind that -20C is a little bit cold for this time of year, even in northern Ontario. With all the hype surrounding Kyoto and the imminent heating of our planet to the point of extinction of all known life...Let's all pause and get a grip.

In Canada I have been led to believe that I must stop heating my home, stop using energy-guzzling incandescent bulbs, stop going to work, stop cooking my food, and instead curl up in my unheated, unlit home in a polar sleeping bag, freezing in the dark, in order to save the planet. Al Gore has brainwashed the Board of the Nobel Prize and most of mankind with his misleading and dishonest "Inconvenient Truth", which has been bought, lock stock and barrel by the political left in Canada.

Thankfully not much of the hype seems to sticking, given the news release from Environment Canada which predicts the coldest winter in fifteen years. Jack Layton, never afraid to shy away from feigned moral indignance or empty political grandstanding, declared that "the planet is dying" last week, and that means of course we should be bicycling to work, and taking turns warming our hands over the single, curly fluorescent bulb we will be allowed to share. Jack is against coal power and nuclear power, so I guess we'll all need to move to Mexico. The thought of me drowning a polar bear every time I fire up my massive four cylinder engine brings an imaginary tear to my eye.

Canada's contribution to greenhouse gases is less than 2% of the worldwide total. Until China and India get onboard with emissions caps, don't even ask me to start giving up my necessities. Our contribution to the "problem", if there really is one, is in the "drop in a bucket" range. But do feel free to buy your carbon offsets from Al Gore's company, if that makes you feel better.

Git 'Er Done!

2007-11-30T14:28:00.000-05:00

"So I'm out there, right, and a'cause my truck was broke, I hadda walk acrost number 17 highw'y to my buddy's place ta fix his dilapitated chimbly until I got flustrated by the bad weather, tripped over a long chair and went to Canada Tire to get a warsher for the damn thing. Those frickin' places are so humungy I got disorientated in the store and couldn't focust. I axed fer some help, but the Musler lady in the Hee-jab couldn't speak English too good, I could bearly understand 'er. It was horror-bill. Cripes! What the hell's wrong with this country anyways?"

There's no one in the world quite as convinced of his intellect and superiority in the world as the Canadian Redneck. Just let it go. Don't correct these people when they take liberties with language that would make a schoolteacher snap and attack you with a broken bottle. Live and let live is the lesson of today's ultra-permissive society. After all, you wouldn't want to point out to a moron that they are one as it could cause severe menter traum'y.

We Thank You For Your Patients (sp)

2007-11-27T10:01:00.000-05:00

This week the Obstacle returns, bigger and better and updated more frequently. Check here for irreverence as well as irrelevance, obstreperousness, veracity and snideness.

In the meantime, the moderator has decided to post his own photo (see aside) for publicity reasons. I suggest not making comments that will set him off into a full-on rant about dairy products and their declining quality over the past few years.

New, Content?

2006-07-10T22:00:00.000-04:00

Fer sure, dudes. Figgered it's 'bout time to fire up the brain with some recently clipped news headlines for the attention-deficient in all of us:

MAN CONSUMES SELF, DISAPPEARS

WORLD CUP IS OVER. NOW I CAN GET ON WITH MY LIFE - WATCHING TV

CANADA TO TERRORISTS: "COME ON IN! HOPE YOU LIKE CAVIAR AND SATIN SHEETS!"

CONSERVATIVE PLATFORM MUCH LIKE OLD LIBERAL PLATFORM, ONLY LESS FACIAL DEFORMITY

KILLER BEES REACH IDAHO, NO ONE NOTICES 'CEP'N FER JIMMY

IT INDUSTRY STILL A HOUSE OF CARDS, WARNS HOMELESS VAGRANT

BUSH TO REVEAL 9/11 WAS "PRACTICAL JOKE" - MAY ISSUE APOLOGY

MIDDLE EAST A "SHITHOLE", NOTHING LEFT WORTH FIGHTING OVER

SELMA BLAIR AND JEREMY IRONS TO STAR IN "EXORCIST 7 - THE FUCKENING"

PARIS HILTON EXPOSES... AW, WHO GIVES A RAT'S ASS?

JIM BEAM WAS ACTUALLY JOHNNIE WALKER, LIQUOR INDUSTRY IN A TIZZY

Life Is Like A Box Of Chocolates...

2006-04-17T16:18:00.001-04:00

...Squishy, all run together, missing the best pieces, and not particularly appetizing.

Ever feel like talking, but you have no idea what you're going to say? Me neither.

Why is it that people who claim to be experts are always smug, annoying jerks?

Ever wake up and wonder where in hell you are, and what you've done to deserve this?

Why such a big suit?

Small points to ponder on a dreary afternoon.

Government Probe Reveals CBC Males Neutered

2006-04-05T16:42:00.001-04:00

(REUTERS - AP)

A shocking new inquiry by the Federal Conservatives has revealed what many have suspected all along -- that for years, one of the job requirements for on-air employment and feature news writing for the CBC is mandatory castration for male recruits. Since 1969, the first year of the Trudeau government, a resident surgeon has performed the operation upon final approval during the hiring process. The next step, (after a 14 day healing period) has traditionally been a renouncement of independent thought and a pledge of allegiance to the politically correct traditions of the corporation. If there appears to be a retention of a sense of humour or personal commentary, a partial frontal lobotomy is the next step.

"If you've always wondered why interviewers like Peter Gzowski, newsreaders like Peter Mansbridge, or so-called entertainers like Ralph Benmurgui have grated on the thinking person's nerves with their apopleptically neutral viewpoint, and lack of genuine vitriol, this would explain a lot," said the chair of the Committee To Encourage Crackpot Right-Wing Views, Magnus McFayden. "How Don Cherry actually slipped by is still a matter of debate, as well as a long-standing office pool."

The report went on to say that the Machiavellian practice is expected to be phased out by late spring, when all current employees of the CBC are expected to be replaced by physically-challenged vegan Asian lesbians with heavily feminist agendas.

Staunch Catholic To Eat Beef On Friday, Skip Mass, Have Premarital Sex

2006-03-22T21:33:00.000-05:00

French-Canadian Catholic and pillar of local Trois Rivieres church Our Lady Of Perpetual Moaning & Carping, Jean-Pierre Bellefleur, issued a press release early Wednesday indicating his plans to indulge in a meat-and-potatoes dinner this Friday with his girlfriend of one month Huguette Lafreniere, while smoking, playing Bingo, watching Les Canadiens on TV and engaging in unprotected intercourse.

"I'm going to make a stand, me, against repressiveness and Old World values; and have me a friggin' good time while I'm at it" crowed Bellefleur. "It's a sociopolitical statement, not just me being a complete ass, you." He said he would also be drinking at least one Molson Export or Laurentide while he makes his "stand", depending on what the corner store has in stock Friday morning.

Neighbours said they were "dismayed and a little frightened" not only by Bellefleur's apparent disdain for the conventions of society, considering the demonstration will take place at game time, 7:30 pm on his front lawn, but also by his cavalier attitude towards pronoun usage. "Sure, she'll be cold, her, but it's worth it. The world, she has to sit up and take notice, it" he said in the statement, him. Tickets are $16.50 and a canned food or orange short-shorts donation to the local Hooter (the 's' has been removed due to Quebec language laws).

"...And That's The Kind Of Day It's Been..."

2006-03-22T16:40:00.000-05:00

(Reuters)

Recent Vietnamese immigrant and Guinness World Book record holder for number of dogs walked simultaneously (461), Phuc Yong Dong has agreed to permanently fill the NBC Nightly News anchor chair left vacant this week upon Brian Williams' recent conviction for consuming the remains of his wife, dogs, neighbours' ferret, and lawn furniture in a bizarre, crystal-meth fueled rampage last month. Dong will go by the Americanized moniker of "Jerk" E. Jerkerson, and plans to learn some English before beginning his new job at the end of this week.

When asked why he would agree to go with a complete unknown who isn't even partially fluent in English to replace the formerly affable, now cannibalistic, Williams; NBC Head of Programming Gary "AssFace" Schtroumpf replied "Next question, please" and "Through careful research, I have determined that I like fried chicken - a whole lot" at the press conference held yesterday. The veil of secrecy surrounding the planned introduction of Dong was lifted, if very briefly when it was revealed that he will parachute naked on to the white House roof with a helmet-cam on his inaugural newscast, and attempt to catch Laura Bush off guard.

Godspeed, young man.

Things I Find Amusing.

2006-03-10T08:28:00.000-05:00

1) Women who get upset about pictures of scantily clad females in men’s’ calendars and newspapers but will shell out large dollars for women’s magazines that have scantily clad women selling products for women. Nice double standard girls.
2) People who anticipate a stop light turning green for them by edging slowly forward until the light does turn green when they plod ahead like tractor trailers loaded with cinder blocks.
3) Two people arguing about something and not being articulate enough to realize that they are arguing the same viewpoint.
4) Managers whose managerial style consists of yelling.
5) People in small cars who pull as far over to the left as possible before making a right turn. As though they are driving tractor trailers loaded with cinder blocks.
6) Near-sighted dogs
7) Product instructions that include the very basic use of the product i.e. a container of moist towelettes that has the instruction “wash face and hands” on it.
8) Companies that have “Customer Appreciation Days” with an accompanying sale where that company makes slightly less than it’s usual 200% profit. As if to say on every other day customers are not appreciated and treated as a necessary evil.

The Chair Recognizes...

2006-03-02T23:09:00.000-05:00

...that in keeping with the sub-header of this here blog-style thang, promising discourse on absurdity in music and entertainment as well as life in general, something has to be done. And it will... just not today.

I present to you instead, a genuine homemade album review, hopefully bereft of mundanity:

Donald Fagen. Morph The Cat. 2006. 9 Songs. Releases officially on March 14th. Obtained copies of all songs in some sort of newfangled binary code composed entirely of 1's (and also, 0's).

Unbelievably futuristic so far, yes, I know, but let me finish: These ones, and to a lesser extent the zeroes, have arranged themselves, or have been arranged by some unknown (possibly magical) source, to reanimate themselves into extremely listenable, addictive jazz chords and harmony placed in unusual, often contrapuntal configurations framed by the story of a gigantic anthropomorphic feline who descends, at first benignly, (later malevolently, mirrored in an evil-sounding reprise of the title track) into New York city.

The cat may represent anything from the terrorist attacks of 9/11 to the Antichrist to Oprah. Some would argue that the last two are essentially the same thing, but I digress... Sort of a metaphor for the accelerating decay, unease, and general sense of dread in 21st century society. The songs together apparently form something you kids may be unfamiliar with, called a "con-cept" loosely based on impending mortality (Fagen recently turned 58), but are left open to the listener's interpretation. They used to call this sort of thing an "al-bum" back in the 70's.

Will not grab the listener upon a cursory playing, but after a few "spins" (also a 70's term) the tunes begin to amalgamate themselves into a kind of musical crystal meth that refuses to leave our anonymous listener's brain alone. In case you didn't know, that's a very good thing.

Enough of that, let's hear from Fagen himself, discussing rap and the practice of sampling, from an interview on Mp3.com published today - nah-kaiy?

***********************************************************************************

Chris: Do you listen to any contemporary music?

Donald: Not that often. I mean, there's a few things I like if someone brings it to my attention, but I only listen to the same 40 jazz records I had in high school pretty much.

Chris: It's funny that you say you sort of have to reintroduce yourself. Your music has remained a constant over the years; it's instantly recognizable.

Donald: Oh, well thanks.

Chris: And I'm curious do you--well it sounds like maybe you've answered this--but do you consciously sort of shut out anything that's going on with contemporary music trends or...?

Donald: It's not really necessary, because I don't think anything has happened for 30 years or so.

Chris: Really.

Donald: Not really. You know there's a new kind of...you know they have different names for like crunk and stuff like that, or there's this kind of music, but you know aside from some fairly subtle things, and like, maybe they use a drum machine instead of drums or something. But that's really kind of the opposite of evolution as far as I can say so. It's really...I don't think there's anything really...I don't see any sort of major thing that's happened since maybe reggae music in the '70s that's really different.

Chris: So you wouldn't consider, say, rap music to be new?

Donald: Well, I mean it's more of a theatrical forum really...or poetry with music type of thing, which certainly isn't new. And the beats are basically funk, or something else, only played by machines, it's really not...it doesn't sound new to me. I mean, what's new about it?

Chris: Well...

Donald: I mean, they use sampling technology to put out a blip of sound, but it's really like an orchestral hit will be sampled and then so...you know and maybe they do...like if they appear very rapidly, that's something maybe an orchestra couldn't do, because it happens faster than an orchestra could play it but...it's not what I would call a really significant change or anything.

Chris: So no real validity to the art of sampling, in your opinion?

Donald: Well it all sounds so canned that it's basically...since they use drum machines and sequences for even the ballads now…people are used to it now, but to me, it also sounds like the kick drum comes in the wrong place, or it sounds wrong. You know like it's...there's really something wrong with the groove. Although, they're getting better at mimicking real grooves. To me there's always something, and the fact that it's unchanging makes it sound, it may be hypnotic, but it has no dynamics, and it has no shape. And what's more, if you want to continue with the technical thing, as far as the other instruments are concerned, if you use synthesizers for all the keyboards and stuff like that, they're always out of tune, technically, and I can hear it. It's like the top end is always a little flat, and the bottom end is always a little sharp, because the keyboards aren't what they call "stretched." Like, when a piano tuner tunes a piano, aside from being tempered, they'll stretch the tops of the harmonics so they aren't flat on the top and sharp on the bottom. So they're...there's no groove and they're out of tune.

Sounds about right to me. So does the album.

A House Is Just A Cover For Your Stuff

2006-03-01T14:38:00.000-05:00

Thanks to George Carlin for his firm grasp of the obvious. He's absolutely correct, though - I've never seen two people accumulate so much sh-... stuff, that is, in three years. I've been throwing out and burning a large variety of detritus for the last month now in anticipation of our move in - count 'em - five days. Yippee!

Moving is always a pile of fun at the best of times, try it at -15 C with heavy snow and a stiff wind. Sometimes I feel like just lying down and letting the elements take their course. It's just like going to sleep, they say, only I'm guessing quite a bit colder and with somewhat more snow. I won't, of course, as I've got to do it all again when we buy a house there. *Sigh*.

People I know think I've lost my edge lately, or seem a bit off. Well, I have, and am, dammit! Try this yourself: Leave your chance at being your own boss, sell the house, pack it all up by yourself with a 7-months-pregnant wife and a dog who's constantly underfoot, in the coldest part of the winter, head for a town you're unfamiliar with and are moving in with your wife's parents (as temporarily as possible). Oh, and throw in a job search when you arrive. No wonder I've lost ten pounds and have an eye twitch and an odd pain in my upper back.

All that said, I am looking forward to not being surrounded by boxes for a while, and it'll be but a memory soon enough... Compared to those left out in the cold in N'Awlins by their own government, I really have nothing to complain about.

When it rains, it really rains

2006-02-15T10:44:00.000-05:00

Good Morning All! Ready for a fun ride with your host, Captain Weird O' Rama?

So, Monday night I'm heading home from the liquor store when I get stopped by one of Durham regions finest. I wasn't speeding or doing anything out of the ordinary, just the luck of the draw I guess. He came up behind me, ran my plates then pulled me over. Comes up to my window and informs me that my drivers license has been suspended since October 14th 2005 due to an unpaid traffic ticket. They don't send out notices any more, they just wait until they get you doing something wrong. Huh?

He issues me a notice telling me that my license has been suspended, then issues me a ticket for driving with no license. Tells me to leave my car where it is and drives me home. Never had a ride in the back of a squad car before. Kind of sparse back there. However he did put the window down so I could grab the handle and let myself out. Soooooooo, covertly, the missus and I sneak out, grab my car and get it home. That night we sat together and convinced each other that we paid a speeding ticket I got last June. We were CONVINCED it was paid.

Yesterday we drive to the Court House in Whitby, conveniently located less than 10 minutes from the palatial estate, where we have to pay for the original infraction before we can do anything else. It seems that I got a speeding ticket back in '03 on Weston Rd that was never paid. Okay (?!?) I paid that fine (it's good that I freed up room on my Meister Card; I needed it yesterday) $75.00. I pleaded "guilty", with an explanation. I then had to shift down three seats to talk to another clerk about seeing the justice of the peace, hereafter referred to as JOP, as I pleaded guilty with an explanation. I went through a door, sat in another waiting room, then went in to talk to the JOP. After my explanation, he was confused. "Welcome to my world, I said." He smiled.

JOP, thinking out loud, couldn't understand why I got a ticket for driving without a license instead of driving while under suspension. He said it was better for me as the ticket for DWL is about $250.00 while DWUS is worth about 10 times that. JOP then questioned how I was able to renew my plates twice without this fine showing up? JOP then said this was a very confusing issue, reduced the fine from $265 to $100 and advised me to "look into this." I then went back, paid the fine for driving without a license in order to renew my drivers license then went looking for the nearest MTO office. It cost me $150 to reinstate my license. I have to wait 2-3 days before the paperwork goes through (yes, I am driving illegally. the missus says if I'm pulled over again between now and Friday, act stupid. I can do that)

For those of you keeping track, that's $75 + $100 + $150. I am out $325.00 by now.

If this '03 fine was never paid, how was I able to renew my plates for 2 years running, lease a vehicle and then pay that lease off without this raising any issues? ANYTHING vehicle related, including plates, stickers and drivers licenses HAVE to go through the MTO, where they have a list of outstanding fines/offences that need to be dealt with before the transaction. Also, when I first got my Eclipse in November of '03, payments for fines outstanding were included in the purchase price of the car otherwise the deal couldn't have been made. Why wasn't this fine included in this? I know I had several parking tickets and I distinctly remember the outstanding fines paid to be somewhere in the $200 range.

So, I came in this morning driving illegally. I'm going to try and keep under the radar but that's kind of tough with a sports car. Fortunately it's a grey sports car (well, there is grey paint under the filth) and I will get my license back on Friday or Saturday.

Where's the Scotch?

Digressions Of Power

2006-02-10T20:25:00.000-05:00

Yep,
Lister, you're right, we're getting out of Dodge. I've never been a Chrysler fan anyhow.

As freaky as all of this life changing merde has been for me, I'm taking the high road and gradually getting my act together. Not gonna wallow in self-pity; instead I'll write my way out of trouble. Most blogs feature endless opinions, this one has only chronology, maybe like a series of public letters shared "entre amis".

Speaking of communication, it was announced recently (Jan. 27) that Western Union has discontinued the stalwart of early-to-mid-1900's communication, the telegram. It was fast and cheap in it's day, but has obviously been supplanted by a variety of more efficient electronic alternatives. I've personally never been on either the sending or receiving end of one, yet the telegram's passing is still noteworthy as a form of communication that served for over 150 years, dwindling from a high of 200 million sent in 1929 - "I've got a feeling those pumpkin futures should peak right around January - stop" to just 20 thousand in 2005 - "Good Lord - stop - Aren't you on broadband yet - stop". Anyhow, it's pure economics and just another sign of progress.

Life is about to change for the better, despite Kurt Vonnegut's insistence (in an article I can't find) that the human race has about five years left on the stopwatch, mainly due to our thirst for oil. I prefer beer, but how many books have I had published? Somewhat fewer than Kurt. I do recall trying to read Slaughterhouse Five during my prolonged adolescence with limited success, unless you consider snoring a victory. I digress, as usual...

Suffice it to say that I'm feeling temporarily better and even a tad optimistic. Anxiety is a cancer that has already nearly killed me once, I won't let it get a hold this time. To quote the eminent domestic philosopher Marge Simpson, "First I was nervous, then anxious, then wary, then apprehensive, then kinda sleepy, then worried, and then concerned." That sums up my natural tendencies in a nutshell. So I've got my work cut out for me, but I have help from my lovely/loving wife, who has been a mountain of support and kicked my ass right out of antipathy many times, usually only when I need it. Being able to treat myself to a Donald Fagen concert shortly after our arrival in a new city softens the blow somewhat. I have fang-section seats. For those who don't know, that's a good thing.

Weirdness Abounds

2006-02-10T15:08:00.000-05:00

Apparently there is a wealth of change happening in the neighbourhood lately. The big D and his lovely and pregnant wife are getting outta Dodge. Me and the missus got outta Dodge and Mega-Drummer man is, well, way the hell up north. I moved out of a town that I've lived in for 29 years, leaving behind my elderly parents and familiarity that had grown contemptuous over the past little while. I watched my sleepy little town turn into a big, loud city with all of the traffic and urban chaos that goes with it. It was time for a change. My missus got transferred and *voom*; bye bye hometown!

Some people are comfortable in the city atmosphere. I have another good friend who lives in the middle of the city sprawl, perfectly happy with the lifestyle. You know who you are, Guido Japanese (pronounced Jah-pan-ay-say). Infrequent trips into the city sprawl show me both the benefits and the drawbacks of the city.
Alas, we all can't live in the country and small towns as they would then become cities and then people would have to move out of the small towns because there would be too many people......in......them.

Huh?

Anyway, another small town beckoned. Going to another small town was our way of saying "Change is good, but not too much change." There is enough change that happens over the course of a lifetime that unless you like change, bringing more change on to yourself can be very stressful. Grasping at straws here. The house is bigger, needs very little work and is closer to where she works and where I work. There is enough of a change to make this very fresh, somewhat strange but even stranger, somewhat stimulating. I've written a few new songs and have thought about continuing on with one of the three novels that I've started and left to rot. I'm closer to one of my most favourite people in the whole world, "Speedy-Marie" the sister of greatness. Family is all around, within an hour at least.

Things are different. Things are good.

Game-time Decision

2006-02-03T17:06:00.000-05:00

Wow - have things changed since I wrote that last bit of tripe a month or so ago. I've needed to update this thing for some time; to get this stuff off my chest, where it's been weighing quite heavily the last few days. My wife and have made the rather quick and unhappy decision to leave our business opportunity, (ie - quit our jobs), sell our house and move in (temporarily) with my wife's parents in the nation's capital, essentially putting our lives on hold for the time our baby is born, which is somewhere around the first week of May. I've also got to get some kind of work. We're liquid, baby...

This has been very distressing to me for a number of very obvious reasons - I'm not 20 anymore, I don't like change, and I hate asking people for help. It seems like an admission of failure. I have been trying to look at the upshot of the situation, but my mind and body keep letting me down.

On the positive side, it's good for my wife and our unborn baby to be near family. We've been pretty isolated living out here more or less in the country, and though I thought we'd never leave this house, I see now that it is a chance to become more connected to people. I tend to be a hermit by nature, and that's not great when you need to ask for help. Being an island doesn't work very well for me.

I won't bore anyone with details, but as most people know, moving house ranks right up there with divorce and death on the stress-o-meter. All things shall pass, says the Bible and George Harrison, and they're right. In a year, we'll be able to look back on this time and laugh. Whether it's from the living room of a new house or a straight jacket in a padded cell remains to be seen.

I will update soon...

The Eternal Fatalist

New Year, New Deal

2006-01-08T10:31:00.000-05:00

It's a gorgeous, sunny, warm-esque January morning here in the bustling Metropolis of Shanty Bay, Ontario... the kind of morning that makes you think about what has gone by, and what is yet to come. Last year held the highest highs and lowest of lows; just like life - personally, professionally and even globally. My default view that the world is a festering stinkhole will have to change somewhat if I am to give my unborn child a fighting chance in this, the new and improved world of the 21st Century Schizoid Man. Zachary is due to arrive at the end of April, and I've got to get my... stuff... together. There - I resisted the temptation to swear. And I know the world is a stinkhole, I'll just have to keep it a secret for about fifteen years.

People can tell me all they want that my life will change when he is born, and I believe it. I'm happy and terrified at the same time. At least I won't be going it alone. My wife is looking forward to having her body back to herself, and not being sick every morning. I realize it's the universal experience of mankind, but it's happening to me and my wife for the first time at our relatively advanced ages. I'll be 94 when he hits high school - can you believe it? Naaah, neither do I.

Our closest friends are moving in two weeks, which will affect us also. It's not Zaire or anything, but neither is it around the corner. To paraphrase Martin Prince as he's told the class is going to tour the box factory, "This may well prove fascinating..."

Hey - you kids like music? Listen to Sufjan Stevens' 2005 album Illinois. Now! I only heard about him recently on many BlogCritics Top Ten of '05 Lists. I had no idea who he was, but there's a bio on Allmusic that explains where he's coming from. I could best describe it as Brian Wilson Meets The Beatles Meets Progressive Low-Fi. Don't let that scare you, it's extremely tuneful and many of the songs seem to be around six to seven minutes long, so he gets to explore some of the melodies on a grander scale than the average three-minute pop song. In a perfect world, this would be playing on the radio, but see above for my worldview. It is the most evocative stuff I've heard in a long time, it covers all the bases - it's fun, sorrowful, playful, rueful, and at times joyous.

I resolve only to do more "stuff" this year - play guitar, hike in the woods, bike, swim, take more photos, and write some freakin' music. Most of those things can be done with a baby in tow, can't they? If not, I'll find a way...

Happy New Year to everyone!

Merry *&^%$#@ Christmas

2005-12-21T13:12:00.000-05:00

The Scene: A cosy warm sitting room. All the lights are off in the room and a fire is roaring in the big stone fire place. An old man wrapped in a shawl sits in a rocking chair while a young man sits at his feet. Outside the snow is blowing hard around the window.

Young Man - "Grandad, tell me more about this "company morale" thing you talk so fondly about.

Grandad - "Well, back in my day, when employees did a good job the managers of that same company used to walk around and actually praise them for doing a good job!"

YM - "Wow! These days you're just expected to do more work."

G - "Well, back in my day, a company would be so happy for the hard work you do for them every year that they'd actually share some of the profits from that year!"

YM - "Wow! These days they just tell you to be happy you get a pay-cheque!"

G - "Well, back in my day they'd throw a big Christmas party for all the staff and their spouses as a thank you."

YM - "Wow! These day's they just let you go home early on Christmas Eve if it doesn't interfere with productivity."

G - "Well, back in my day people wanted to show up for work and do the best job they could do because they knew the company appreciated it."

YM - "Wow! Now people show up for work in the morning dreading what the day will bring and how many problems they can fit on their shoulders before they have a complete and total mental breakdown!"

G - "Wow! Shitty being you!"

Apparently Winter is a New Experience for Most

2005-12-07T12:26:00.000-05:00

I commute. Every weekday. 180kms a day to and from work. I am one of many that do this. The city I live in is a bedroom community for a much larger city to the south east. There is a major highway that connects the two cities and many, many, MANY people use that highway. The province I live in is renowned the world over (probably not but don't interrupt) for getting much snow during our winter months. It has been this way for eons.

"Between the months of October and April there will be much snow falling like leaves upon the unsuspecting citizenry below" - God, quite some time ago.

So why is it such a shock for most of the vehicular lemmings that there was snow on the ground this morning? And what is in the water supply that makes long-term memory such a rare commodity?

"You know, I have a vague recollection of some moist, wet white substance lying on the ground at some point about 12 months ago. I also recall that driving became less safe as a result." - An Idiot, this morning.

On a good day, in the middle of, lets say, July, my drive into work takes about 50 minutes +/- 5 minutes. Today it was 2-1/2 hours because there were far too much 1) morons 2) pin-heads 3) moronic pin-heads driving their vehicles into ditchs because the moronic pin-head in front of them suddenly jammed the brakes on to avoid the moronic pin-head steering their vehicle into the bumper of the moronic pin-head talking on the cell phone to their aunt in Florida about the mysterious moist, wet white substance that wasn't on the road yesterday and is making the drive less safe.

Time to get my rotary-wing license and fly above them.

Another viewpoint

2005-12-04T16:45:00.000-05:00

Since I can't seem to find the time or brainpower to maintain this thing on my own, I've invited my politically conservative brother and my politically inert friend to become members. Well, it was more like I mutinied Kev by lifting his comments from my music blog. It was a little out of place there, but perfect for the 'Obstacle.

I wonder if ol' Big K still feels this way now that the Canadian general election is set for January 23rd. Hey, I think it's a great time of year for an election -- what the hell else have you got to do in Canada in the middle of January? Other than the obvious...

1. Stick tongue on frozen metal flagpole; marvel at your own stupidity.
2. Go carp about the government with your single buddies at Tim Horton's. No married guy is allowed to do this. Or wants to.
3. Go tobogganing and rupture your spleen.
4. Drink copious quantities of beer until you pass out. Marvel at your own stupidity.
5. Watch the Leafs lose another crucial game, then go home to their wives, children and Scrooge McDuck-sized money bins to cry themselves to sleep, using $100's as tissue paper.

As you can see, there are limited options in this country in the dead of winter.

Here's K's post from October:

So parliament has resumed, and Stephen Harper, AKA the devil, has gone to bat for all you sorry Canadians who think he's some redneck Albertan with a hidden agenda. Well, that's what uncle Paul and the Libranos wish for you to believe.

Satan, also known as Stephen Harper to most, has requested that the government actually give Canadians some relief at the gas pumps. He asked when this government is going to end its "100 days of inaction" and actually cut fuel taxes.

As if. . . .

Both the PM and Ralph 'Acceptable Beer' (Goodale) have both predictably pooh-poohed the idea. Goodale said that since "complexities and volatility were at play," any tax break would become invisible, by which he meant taxation issues are better left to the "natural governing party", the Liberals, the approved experts in spending other people's money.

The Liberals. You keep voting them back in because Stephen Harper or Mike Harris or Brian Mulroney are incarnations of the devil. You listen so closely to the liberal media who tell you this, and refuse to think for yourselves. At least, that's the way I see us here in Canada.

It's my belief that even if there are some problems with the Conservatives, the Liberals need to spend some time in the political wilderness to get their act back together. Justin Trudeau said this back in June. They need to be given the boot from parliament rather than have us put them back in AGAIN. Don't even go elsewhere ; the socialists and the far left are a much worse choice than heading over to the right ever so slightly.

Back to the point I was trying to make : Would someone please tell me why Stephen Harper has such a bad reputation with Canadians? Everything I have heard him say makes sense to me, and should make sense to almost every Canadian. Anyone who thinks we cannot afford a tax cut in this country would be well advised to track down the size of the federal surpluses in each of the past ten consecutive years. Funding the military adequately does not necessarily line up with George Bush's neocon aggression seen in Iraq and Afghanistan. But as soon as Stevie H. says he'd spend a few bucks on our dilapidated military, he's automatically in bed with George Bush.

End political rant.

Our Products Are Fine!

2005-11-15T20:17:00.000-05:00

It's a sad, sorry state of affairs when this thing doesn't get updated for nearly two months!
Excuse: I've been somewhat busy pretending to be a entrepreneur, but that's another story. My wife is also 15 weeks pregnant with our first child, if that's of any help... ;)

What's new & notable? I've let everyone under the sun know about a new (to me) comic strip called Medium Large, available here: http://www.drinkatwork.com/mediumlarge.html

It's a current affairs / pop-culture take on the world, and I like it... a lot. In fact, I laughed out loud several times while perusing the archive... It's not too abrasive, but very sarcastic in a subtle way, and that makes for good art in my book.

Francesco Marciluiano, if you're out there, thanks for the inspiration to restart a "graphic novel" my brother and I did in the 80's, based very loosely on people we knew at the lake our cottage was on, and our own family.

If Kev gets to see this, maybe I'll have to actually sit down and start drawring (sp.) again. I'm the world's worst (or is it best?) procrastinator.

To the left is the proposed first frame of the revamped story, which revolves around shenanigans in the outboard motor industry; specifically a very highly fictionalized take on the Kiekhaefer family which started Mercury Marine many years ago. Mix heavily with composites of people we knew or were related to and you have the essence of it. It's absolutely ridiculous, and from what I recall, very funny. It worked well, 'cause we did a few panels each, then handed it off to the other. No getting bored or losing focus.

I hope I have more to talk about next time.

Rallying Cry Of Today's Youth: "Show Us Your Tits!"

2005-09-26T22:20:00.000-04:00

Fuelled by ales on this fine crisp fall evening, I bring to you my thoughts on the decline & fall of our never-great, always mediocre society.

Ever hear the term "these are the good old days?" It's not just a bad Carly Simon lyric. To kids in their teens, it's absolutely true. I particularly look back in wistful fondness to the mid-1980's as the "best time of my life". Mainly because life then entailed absolutely no reponsibilities other than waking up, (and occasionally going to school) so that I could borrow my dad's car, stay out doing various stupid things until 3 am, then sneak back into the house through my bedroom window. I believe I did, at least in my own mind, rock and roll most of the nite, and party every other day.

It's not unique to me, though; every generation since James Dean cracked up his Porsche (and himself) feels the same way. But I do believe us Gen X & Yers may be the last to make that claim. We humans are on the downside of the bell curve of our time on this planet. Read this excerpt from Maclean's magazine and see if you agree:

Increasingly, young women are treating themselves and each other like pieces of meat. Why?

JUDITH TIMSON
She and her friends talk about it constantly. How to go out and have a great time. How to make their way through a sexual landscape that somehow has upped the ante in racy behaviour. The challenge, says Shauna (not her real name), a 20-year-old third-year psychology major at Queen's University in Kingston, Ont., is how not to feel like a misfit just because she thinks that the sexual titillation factor has gone too far. "One thing I have noticed more and more," she says of the student scene, "is that girls spend as much time, if not more, dancing provocatively with each other as they do with men. Many girls have made out with each other in front of a group of boys, or for their benefit after having been dared, or even without provocation. I was recently at a bar with a group of friends from high school," she continues, "and a group of girls came wearing short skirts and low-cut tops -- they had each written words on their breasts or upper thighs and were willingly showing this to the guys when asked. The club scene where this behaviour often happens is one that I avoid most often, and look for other ways to have fun -- and I am in a minority in that respect."

So what's the majority up to? New York journalist and author Ariel Levy thinks she has the answer in her compelling new book, Female Chauvinist Pigs: Women and the Rise of Raunch Culture. And that answer isn't pretty. Witty and provocative, painfully funny and just plain painful to read as it documents the rise of trashy, raunchy, really really bad female behaviour, Levy's newly published book may well provide the next "aha!" moment in how North American women see themselves. At the very least, it will make you wonder how, in the past decade, the culture has become infused with what Levy describes as porn or red-light aesthetics and values, which used to be confined to the tawdry outer limits of girlie mags, adult films and strip clubs but have now become part of everyday life. She's not the only one to perceive the intersection of porn and ordinary life. In Pornified, another newly released book, American Pamela Paul declares "pornography has not only gone mainstream -- it's barely edgy."

Levy, at 30, is no prude (after all, she admits she got a Brazilian bikini wax at least once in her 20s, hoping to capitalize on her "feminine wiles"). Nor is she a hardline ideologue of any persuasion with an agenda to shut down sexual expression. "I'm for more sexual liberation, not less," she told Maclean's in an interview, "and I don't think the answer is more chastity. I'm not here to outlaw pornography or impose a minimum-fabric requirement for high school girls." When she started work on Female Chauvinist Pigs, which grew out of an article Levy wrote for online Slate magazine, she intended to dispassionately document the new raunch phenomenon. "But as I got deeper into it," she says, "I began to think, 'This is ridiculous.' So I had to weigh in." What she concluded is that "raunchiness and liberation are not synonymous."

Merely an excerpt, and cold chills are running across my arms - I've been thinking this way for at least a decade, and now there's a chronicle of this stupefying phenomenon that started sometime around when wearing baseball caps backwards became "cool". I shudder to think where we'll be as a society when my unborn child is approaching his or her teen years. I'm no prude either, as anyone who knows me will attest, but where in the hell is personal pride these days? Probably engaging in a mock menage-a-trois with decency and common sense.

Of course I'm going to come across as an old fart for even entertaining the idea that life was better and simpler 20 years ago, but guess what -- it was.

It's official: I am old.

I've Sold Out!

2005-09-14T20:04:00.000-04:00

That's right - I've decided to become a corporate shill in the time elapsed since my last post.

Actually, it was just last night that I discovered the wonderful, free, open-source browser Mozilla Firefox, available at http://www.mozilla.org . It is a huge improvement over the bloated corporateware that Microsoft's undeservingly ubiquitous Internet Exploder has become over the years. I've only been using it for one day, and I may never go back.

Points in its favour vs Internet Exploiter:

Faster loading time.
Uses less system resources.
Customizable themes - make it look the way you want it to.
More secure.
Built-in search engines including Google, Ebay, Amazon, Yahoo, and you can add more or remove ones you don't want.
Tabbed browsing keeps your desktop uncluttered.
Live RSS Bookmarks (haven't ried this one yet, but it sounds cool...)
Bill Gates doesn't get to add a dime to his money bin.

Download it at http://www.mozilla.org and see what you've been missing...

*Shudder* - I feel so dirty...

a thing of the past...?

2005-08-31T12:07:00.000-04:00

It seems the current obstacle in our automobile-obsessed society is the price of fuel. Gasoline prices in Toronto were approaching $1.20 per litre this morning, but are expected to back off some as the day progresses, and the aftereffects of the devastation created by hurricane Katrina are more fully understood. Just like the stock market, of which the energy sector is a large part, speculation on what might happen is the major influence on what does happen.

Now, I don't want to get off on a rant here, but does it make any sense to you that a possibility of a shortage in fuel supplies causes the price of what is already in the tanks at gas stations to rise, often dramatically, and then fall, all in the same day? That'd be like charging a dollar for a newspaper in the morning, doubling that later in the day because there was a forest fire raging near a paper mill, and then lowering it again when the fire gets put out. I realize there are intricacies to the oil business which I don't fully understand, but how smart do you have to be? George W. Bush is in the oil business, and he calls it "oal"...

People in North America have still got no real reason to bitch, kvetch, piss and moan about the price of fuel when they refuse to give up their gas -sucking behemoth SUV's and pickup trucks with V-8 and even V-10 engines, and then drive alone to Costco to save a nickel on a 45 gallon drum of relish. We have an unreasonable sense of entitlement on this continent that will become our undoing. Just look at the crime in Toronto right now, or the general rise in terrrorism in the years before 9-11... We also do nothing about it. Canada is worse than the USA in this regard. In other countries, if you don't like what the government is doing, you stage a demonstration, or start a revolution. Here, we stage a Tim Horton's whine-fest (20 minute maximum at the table, please) and demonstrate only if it doesn't cut into our TV time.

Get used to some of the things we take for granted being under fire. this is only the beginning. All I can say is pay attention - and make mine one cream, one sugar.

"yar - a technophobe i be, says i "

2005-08-22T01:46:00.000-04:00

Boy, is it way too easy to while away hours of your precious time sitting behind the computer. I've been thinking about the purpose of this blog, and all I know is it'll be a work in progress. I may ditch the political content altogether. It's boring as f***, and so many learned (thanks to Homer Simpson for the correct pronunciation) folks are doing such a terrific job filling up cyberspace with wearisome political ranting, that I believe I'll leave it to the dullards. Have at 'er, boys!

I think best outside at night with no distractions, and usually get all kinds of great ideas for entertaining and enlightening posts. I then get behind the desk and the ideas have magically vaporised. Lousy brain! Good for nothin'!

So right there I've come up with today's topic (thanks, Bob & Doug MacKenzie - coo roo coo coo coo roo coo coo). This technology thing, while great on the surface, is pretty much all sizzle and no steak. I have in my possession a cell phone that takes pictures - why? I dunno, came with the plan. Do I need it? No, not really. Does anyone really need to be in the rutabaga section of the grocery store with a phone stuck to their ear? What kind of decision is so momentous in the vegetable aisle that you need to make a call home? Act unilaterally, dude!

Somehow, man has survived eons and progressed for centuries without the aid of tri-mode, colour display digital bric-a-brac. I wish I had the cojones to really make a statement and ditch all superfluous electronic shite, but alas; poor Yorick, it is not to be.

Don't get me wrong - I do love all this stuff, but I'm realizing that it infringes heavily upon my do-nothing time, which, as a somewhat typical male, is sadly important to my well-being. I must divide my time between TV, frittering away the day at the computer, stereo, stereo in car, stereo in garage, the cell phone has to be at welded to my side at all times in case of a grocery-related emergency, and; oh yeah, dealing with the real world. To compensate, I actually don't watch TV. At all. Come fall and the colder weather, that may change, but right now in the middle of reruns of shows we didn't watch the first time, nah.

Something my wife says to me from time to time is the old expression "anything for a simple life". I wholeheartedly agree with the sentiment, and aim to start simplifying right away.

First just let me pick up my voice mail, check the email, get that last text message from someone I don't talk to in real life, check the posts on my music site, finish burning copies of a few CD's after I convert them to .mp3, make sure I set the VCR for Corrie (not for me, I swear), and call my wife from the store to see if she knows the difference between a turnip and a rutabaga. Hey, I'd look it up, but I don't have time right now.

"be-londa stronach" - bimbeaulx du jour

2005-08-20T12:04:00.000-04:00

Source: The Globe & Mail.com

Stronach spent $4-million of her own on race

By CAMPBELL CLARK

Saturday, August 20, 2005

OTTAWA -- Belinda Stronach, the Liberal government's Human Resources Minister, spent $4-million of her own money on her failed bid for the leadership of the Conservative Party, records released by the Tories show.

The money ponied up by Ms. Stronach, daughter of car-parts tycoon Frank Stronach and herself a former $12-million-a-year executive in the family's Magna International Inc. empire, amounted to more than three-quarters of the $5.5-million she raised, according to the documents.

The belated filings from the March, 2004, leadership convention were released yesterday. Tim Powers, a member of the leadership organizing committee, said the timing was due to long delays in filings partly caused by the 2004 election, not by any desire to embarrass Ms. Stronach since she crossed the floor to the Liberals in May.

************************************************************************************

Ok, the red flag went up for me when Ms. Stronach was touted as the "bright young face of the New Conservatives" a year-and-a-half ago, but I think all she really needed was to get out of her multimillion-dollar house and get a real job. Talk about being born with a silver spoon - hers was platinum. She could have done almost anything else with that money and have made a difference - donate it to a charity, build a wing on a hospital, go on a gambling binge at a casino, thrown it into the wind from her Aurora rooftop. Thank God she lost the leadership race. Hopefully Peter MacKay isn't still pining for her from across the floor. Remember, she's now an actual Liberal cabinet member: the Rt. Hon. Minister of Shoes & Purses; a title you may recall she had to fight Adrienne Clarkson for in a hot oil wrestling match.

Hey, Paul Martin, buddy; I quit my job, - can I be a cabinet minister too? Pretty please? No? Guess I'm not rich enough...

my "raisin" d'etre - what's the deal?

2005-08-20T09:21:00.001-04:00

First of all, why a blog? As you used to say to your parents, everyone else is doing it; to which the standard reply used all around the world (with the possible exception of Saskatchewan) is always: If the other kids jumped off a cliff, would you? Also, it's easy as sin. Even Phil Q.Technophobe could do this.

But the real reason is I'm tired of the political bullshit on all the other blogs that I've read. Partisanship is a vessel I try to avoid at all costs. It killed the career of Dennis Miller, still one of the smartest comics of all time. Besides, what's the point of yet another Liberal or Conservative posting how crooked / bad / smelly / ugly the other side is? It's always the other side's fault that things aren't working out. To that I say horse hockey, to paraphrase Col. Sherman Potter.

The gist of this bloggage is poking holes in the stupidity that goes on around us in such large numbers. I'll have to tread very carefully there, as I've been known to indulge in more than my share of dumb-assedness. It goes with the territory. Sarcasm, parody, satire, acidic rants; it's all good stuff and more than welcome here.

Music debate is always fun, and new bands that you actually like are hard to discover at age nearly-forty. So, if you're an American or Canadian Idol fan, please leave now, 'cause there will be talk of Steely Dan, Pink Floyd, Terramara, Joe Jackson, Ben Folds, John Hiatt, Sloan, The Tragically Hip, and other actually talented people, as well as my own struggle to get a band together.

(We even have a crappy, homemade CD that we self-produced and there are exactly two copies in existence - one for me, and one for my partner in musical crime, who we'll just call Lister for our porpoises. I'm sure he'll show up here from time to time...)

Yeah, it still hasn't happened. Yeah, I know I should give it up. *Sigh*

However, you can visit us at http://www.last.fm/music/The+Indifference+Curve

I will encourage some political and / or social debate as it relates to people who live in the real world and how it affects them. I guess I'm going to wing it, as I have everything else in life thus far. i will mkae mistakes and stupid comments. Of that you can be assured.

What's the deal with the title? I needed one, and it seems to me that most of these gripe-fest blogs are always dealing with the current obstacle to getting what they want, whether it be a sunny liberal free-for-all, do-whatever-you-want world, or a conservative blue-suit-and-tie fest hosted in part by some gigantic corporation that grinds baby seals into a fruity-smelling shampoo that leaves your hair feeling vibrant and touchable. Hey - I should be in marketing... or not.

As a general rule, many people always feel that there's just one thing standing in the way of their true happiness, be it an ex-wife, a lottery win or a raise at work. It's common knowledge that as soon as you remove one obstacle, another quickly pops up to replace it. I don't think I want my life to be obstacle-free; what the heck would I do with my time?

So it's a reaction - I'm gonna run with it.