Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Post Traumatic Stress

So.  What have I been up to?

After seven-and-a-half long months in an Uzbeki prison with little to do but watch a 13" black & white Sylvania TV showing nothing but old Soviet propaganda films and horrendous Eastern European game shows, I'm back - released of my own recognisance, down thirty pounds and full of crossword clues, excellent curse words, and beet recipes I never knew existed... 


..is what I would say had I been held in such a manner.  Unfortunately and far less dramatically, I have no real excuse other than laziness and writer's block for not updating this Web Log, or, what we techies call - and try to follow me here if you can - a "blog".  Instead of being honest, I'm trying to lure eyeballs and potential advertising dollars with a sordid, poorly-spun tale of unjustifiable incarceration, and for that I am truly, deeply sorry.  This is me, hanging my head in shame right now.

With that off my chest, I can tell you that there will be all sorts of goodies to look forward to on this - say it with me - "blog" in the coming months.  Oh man, just you wait 'til you see what we have cookin' -  Famous guest columnists! Free music! Great summer recipes! A visit from Oprah! Ticket giveaways, monster trucks, an explanation of the "Twilight" phenomenon that actually makes sense, Spanish hookers, three-legged hamster racing, and the world's largest single piece of cobblestone from the Giant's Causeway!  These are just a few of the things that I cannot procure and are are beyond my grasp. 

Instead, it'll be more of the same stuff you, my loyal readers family ex-girlfriend insomniacs, are used to.
Unless I can convince my Contributing Editors to come back, this is no empty threat.  This is the 21st century equivalent of a gun to a kitten's head. 

 So let's keep everyone happy, including the metaphorical kitten, and get some new stuff up here pronto.  That is all.  You may return to your life, already in progress.


Miloj Gack! said...


Creaulx said...

Like I said, a call to arms.

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