Thursday, January 22, 2009

Does Your TV Suffer from Constant, Irritating "Judder"?

Well,doesn't it? Of course it does, you idiot!!! You just don't know it yet.

Apparently any flat panel LCD TV that isn't a 120 Hz Sharp does. What about the new, 240 Hz Sonys? According to the lowest-common-denominator-higher-numbers-equals-better crowd at Suture Shop, it must be four times better than regular HDTVs. Absolute horse shite, I say.

Unfortunately for me, that atrocity isn't a typo. I can picture the 24 year old unshaven, hoodie-wearing Justin Long lookalike copywriter creating this gibberish and being congratulated with high-fives from his geeky stoner colleagues as he comes up with the winning adjective five minutes before they're all set to hit the peeler bar, bongs in tow.

Or maybe I'm just a cranky old bastard. Yeah, that's probably it.

According to those in the tech-know, this sort of motion-smoothing technology for home television has nearly no basis in reality, and needs to be turned off when watching anything but the NFL or Venus and Serena battling each other on the clay. Crikey - sign me up!
"Where can I dumps my wheelbarrow full of moneys so's I can walk off wit one a' these babies?"

It's an old caveat, but ferchrissakes, people, don't believe everything you read in a Future Shop or Best Buy flyer. Even if it sounds all Web 3.0-ish. After being in sales for twenty years and seeing some pretty underhanded, shady crap being pulled on a daily basis, never trust a salesman, saleswoman, or any other gendered thing trying to sell you goods and/or services.

In other words, trust your eyes, not some slimy greaseball with the morals of John Wayne Gacy. Now, excuse me while I go check the Leafs game for a surplus of "judder". I'm sure that's what's causing my unhappiness.

1 comment:

Kevin said...

Well, since marketing is all about "the next thing", and once we have all have purchased a big screen or two, the next thing comes out. The Corporations need that next thing to up the technological ante and get us back into the stores, so they can go back into our wallets. Likewise with computer software.

Windows Seven is already in the Beta stage, to bump everyone off of XP and Vista at the same time, and give Bill Gates another $8.5 trillion of income. I'm still running one desktop on XP and it's my fave right now. Vista is prettier, but slower.

Also, what's left of the north American auto industry is another place to see obsolescence engineering at its finest. Don't like the grille or the styling of that car you've been thinking about? Well, they will change it next year, after you've bought one. And the merry-go-round continues to spin.

New products prod people to spend vast fortunes renovating and re-renovating their homes. Especially older or more well-off people who are likely to be empty nesters with the time and the money. Change that formica countertop for granite, then change the granite for quartz! It's better than what you have now! But it's going to cost you.

I'll be back out there spending in the economy when I get my personal stimulus package, or my very own lucrative bailout from the government, which is to say, not any time soon. I need wheels.

I did buy a new vehicle in October of 2001 to speed the recovery after 9/11, but this time the whole system is wavering like a house of cards on a picnic table on a breezy day.

Well back to the XP to save the world. I have a 1980 version of Missile Command which I'm finally getting to be fairly proficient at. I'll try to save our cities, but in the meantime I won't be spending money until I have to. I don't need to pump the desktop full of quarters, either.

I do need to wear my glasses to see the type on my 50" screen, so a little judder won't be noticed by these old eyes. Especially when the Leafs are trying to extend their consecutive home game goalless drought. I mean, honestly, must this team sit on the bottom for all time?

Er, right...you're not giving that son of yours a Timmies, aw you did. That's just gross.