Wednesday, March 22, 2006

"...And That's The Kind Of Day It's Been..."



(Reuters)

Recent Vietnamese immigrant and Guinness World Book record holder for number of dogs walked simultaneously (461), Phuc Yong Dong has agreed to permanently fill the NBC Nightly News anchor chair left vacant this week upon Brian Williams' recent conviction for consuming the remains of his wife, dogs, neighbours' ferret, and lawn furniture in a bizarre, crystal-meth fueled rampage last month. Dong will go by the Americanized moniker of "Jerk" E. Jerkerson, and plans to learn some English before beginning his new job at the end of this week.

When asked why he would agree to go with a complete unknown who isn't even partially fluent in English to replace the formerly affable, now cannibalistic, Williams; NBC Head of Programming Gary "AssFace" Schtroumpf replied "Next question, please" and "Through careful research, I have determined that I like fried chicken - a whole lot" at the press conference held yesterday. The veil of secrecy surrounding the planned introduction of Dong was lifted, if very briefly when it was revealed that he will parachute naked on to the white House roof with a helmet-cam on his inaugural newscast, and attempt to catch Laura Bush off guard.

Godspeed, young man.





4 comments:

Corvid said...

Gacks - lost your comments due to ineptitude in republishing, but got the gist of 'em. Thanks for the encouragement. There shall be more of this as thyme & inanity permits.


"Ottaburg" - excellent...

Miloj Gack! said...

I said..........FISH!
Feels good to stretch out the old grey matter eh? If you made yourself laugh with these you've done what you should do; if you made others laugh that's gravy.

100% of all Gacks approve.

Slobo Gack! said...

Sometimes Gacks! comment with no apparent purpose.

Miloj Gack! said...

You said a mouthful Slobo.