Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Staunch Catholic To Eat Beef On Friday, Skip Mass, Have Premarital Sex

French-Canadian Catholic and pillar of local Trois Rivieres church Our Lady Of Perpetual Moaning & Carping, Jean-Pierre Bellefleur, issued a press release early Wednesday indicating his plans to indulge in a meat-and-potatoes dinner this Friday with his girlfriend of one month Huguette Lafreniere, while smoking, playing Bingo, watching Les Canadiens on TV and engaging in unprotected intercourse.

"I'm going to make a stand, me, against repressiveness and Old World values; and have me a friggin' good time while I'm at it" crowed Bellefleur. "It's a sociopolitical statement, not just me being a complete ass, you." He said he would also be drinking at least one Molson Export or Laurentide while he makes his "stand", depending on what the corner store has in stock Friday morning.

Neighbours said they were "dismayed and a little frightened" not only by Bellefleur's apparent disdain for the conventions of society, considering the demonstration will take place at game time, 7:30 pm on his front lawn, but also by his cavalier attitude towards pronoun usage. "Sure, she'll be cold, her, but it's worth it. The world, she has to sit up and take notice, it" he said in the statement, him. Tickets are $16.50 and a canned food or orange short-shorts donation to the local Hooter (the 's' has been removed due to Quebec language laws).


Miloj Gack! said...

I can hear you saying the quotes, in that bottom-jaw thrust out way 'dat you have of talking 'dat way, you.

Too freaking funny.

"The world, she has to sit up and take notice, it."


Corvid said...

Postscript: The Canadiens swept the sorry-ass Leafs this weekend.

I deserved that, me.

Slobo Gack! said...

As for updates, we were waiting for Obstacle content, us.

Miloj Gack! said...

My brain hurts, it.

Corvid said...

To phrase it as only a Sudburian would:

"What da fug you talk-a-bout, you?"

Content to foll'y... (or is it "follah"?)

Miloj Gack! said...

Only if you do the subconscious chewing action.

Your last post broke the collective Gack brain. It took us a week to recover from it. Well done, Herr Raven.

Miloj Gack! said...

This is still the best one, by far. Please give me more; my brain is completely addled today, it.